too jaded for this ride

I think that I forgot to mention that the name of the writing class that I am taking is Writeriffic: Creativity Training for Writers. 

Yep – Writeriffic.

I definitely did not choose the class based on the title.  Reviews from former students were glowing and the course synopsis was very promising.  So, I overlooked the gosh-n-golly sounding name and signed up. 

Before I continue, I must say that the class is not all bad.  She gives us a lot of on-line resources to use as well as an extensive list of books to check out.  Her assignments are interesting and she takes the time to respond personally to each and every class member every time they post a new message on the discussion board.  But, since being snarky is so much more fun, I won’t bore you with the positive aspects of the class. 

So, where were we?  Oh yeah – Writeriffic. 

At first, I thought the instructor came up with this name to lessen any intimidation factor new writers may have.  It makes the class sound fun and the subject matter very approachable.  This may be the case, but now I also suspect the instructor may have the annoying affectation of adding -eriffic to the ends of words.  I came to this conclusion after her response to another student’s post contained the phrase “hot diggity-dog-eriffic.”  I can tolerate her strict G-rating for our assignments and her unflagging positive reinforcement, but this about sent me over the edge. 
Gag me with a spoon-eriffic. 

I’ve also learned that the instructor will only have “terrific” responses to our assignments.  One student posted a comment that he prefers harsher criticism of his work and would like for people to tell him where his writing was weak.  I really perked up when I read this, because this is exactly the type of comment I wanted to make.  I had found a kindred spirit!  The instructor responded that if he wanted harsh criticism he would have to go somewhere else.  Her method is “purposeful nudging” and she’s sticking with it. 
Crap-eriffic. 

I am still determined to get my money’s worth out of this course, so I will tough it out and try not to give myself a headache from my eye-rolling.  If anything, the class seems to be a great source for blog material.

class – week one

Just completed the first two classes in my on-line writing course (new classes are posted every Wednesday and Friday).  I know it’s very early and I should reserve judgement until I’m more immersed in the curriculum, but hey, it’s me, so you know I have something to say. 

First impression: puppies and unicorns puking rainbows

Yup, everyone is blowing happiness up each other’s rears.  Even the instructor.  I hope it’s just first week niceties and that everyone chills out as the course progresses.  I think I’m going to post a message that I am completely okay with people ripping whatever I post to shreds.  I actually welcome it.  I’m not going to learn anything if people are worried about hurting my feelings.  I am determined to get every penny’s worth out of this endeavor. 

Our first real assignment was fun, though.  We had to write a story in 300 words or less using one of five different phrases given to us as the first words of the story, make it have a “twist” ending and use dialogue.  We were told not to spend too much time on the assignment, not to worry about posting a highly polished piece.  I chose the phrase: They called it a near miss, but I called it . . .  Here’s what I came up with:

They called it a near miss, but I called it a reminder that our future is uncertain. My family has become complacent; they think we are protected and invulnerable to the evils of the world. We were given a territory where we could live and thrive, but the borders are only on paper, too easily crossed.

All it took was one rifle shot to remind me of our perilous position. The bullet split the air just inches from my head and ripped through the trunk of an Acacia tree. I had made myself an easy target by lingering too long at the river. Before a second shot could be fired, I bolted and ran to catch up with my family.

My mother, our wise leader, tried to comfort me. She placed her warm, dry forehead against my own and said, “We are safe here. Violators to the law know they will be severely dealt with.”

“I heard the shot, mother.”

“They were probably only trying to scare you. Wanted to watch a young one run away. Just remember to stay with the group and you will be fine.”

I was not convinced. I wondered if one of us would have to die before they would see the truth.

As we migrated to new grazing grounds, the tall grasses tickled my trunk and my ears fanned flies from my back. However, my eyes constantly searched the undergrowth for poachers.

 

Get it?  They’re elephants.  Not my best stuff, but for only about 30 minutes worth of work, I’m happy with it.  This is what the instructor had to say: “Oh, Amy, I loved this. You certainly got into the animals’ minds and brought them straight into my heart. I’m a huge animal lover and this spoke to me.”

I told you.  Rainbow puke. 

Maybe I’m just too cynical for complements.  Not that I want to discourage you, dear reader, from posting complements, not at all. 

Cynical and needy.  Joy.

i got class

“I’m an English major” can only get me so far.  “I read a lot” isn’t really relevant.  And “I have a blog” is just plain ridiculous.  I have to admit that I have no idea what I am doing. 

So, what better way to remedy the situation than by shelling out $150 bucks for a writing class?  An on-line writing class at that.  The instructor can roll her eyes and laugh uncontrollably while her anonymous students systematically dismantle any and all literary progress made in the last century.  After she cleans the coffee-spew off her monitor, she just has to compose herself long enough to type: “Great job on your last assignment, twilight4evar91.  Your use of exclamation points is very creative and I can honestly say that I’ve never heard anyone use dog vomit as a metaphor for man’s struggle with consumerism in a changing world.  How original!”

I jest, of course, because I could very well be the twilight4evar91 in my class.  Although my handle would be more along the lines of 42istheanswer or cubeslave09.  Since the only requirement for the class is internet access and some extra cash, I have no idea what to expect from my future classmates.  They could all be clueless amateurs like me, or polished pros slumming it for practice and an ego boost.  I don’t care who they are as long as they don’t make me look bad.  Is that so wrong?  To want to stand out amongst your peers, even if they are all just screen names in cyberspace?  I’ll admit it, I want to be the shining jewel in the muck who’s glimmer catches the teacher’s eye. 

I have a greater fear than not being the teacher’s pet, however.  Hollow complements and unwarranted praise concern me more.  I really want to learn and I can only do that if people are honest and not worried about hurting my feelings.  A hundred and fifty bucks is a lot to pay for a “gold star just for showing up” or “trophy for trying” atmosphere.  I hope that this class offers much more than that. 

Well, I start tomorrow and will let you know how it goes.  Until then, this is iheartdexter74 signing off.

bad days

By 10:00 this morning I was basically called an idiot by someone at a bank that had no idea what she was talking about and another person, whom I have no professional obligation to whatsoever, told me that someone was going to get sued and it would be my fault.  My day only went downhill from there.  At 5:00, however, it was over.  I did what I could do and what couldn’t get done was out of my hands.  I sloughed off the dried husk of the day, got in my car and drove home.  And that’s it. 

It’s over.  Bad days happen.  But I know that I’ll have a lot more good days than bad.  And that’s why I was smiling today at 5:00 when the office door clicked closed behind me.