I am a customer service representative at a large, independently owned insurance agency.
I obviously have forgotten anything I thought I knew about blog writing because an opening sentence is supposed to draw the reader in, not make you want to gouge your eyes out with a letter opener.
Well, as dreadful as it was to read that first sentence, imagine the crawling, unnameable horror of actually living it Monday through Friday 8:30 am to 5:00 pm (with an hour for lunch) for over ten years. Actually, don’t imagine it. I like you and would hate to see you to recoil in terror before the Lovecraftian visions of my daily, fresh hell.
To brighten my day, and make my mood less stabby, I decorate my cubicle with objects that are pleasing to my eye. I have colorful push-pins, pictures, dog themed calendar, Hellboy and this motivational poster:
(Click on the picture to see others like this at despair.com.)
I also have Rubberband Ball, who has been with me for about three years now.
He sits in a small foam chair right underneath my monitors (I have two monitors cause I’m from the future). I used to blog about him occasionally and post pictures of him in various outfits I made him. Yes outfits. This is what I do when I am bored at work. I use office supplies to dress up my rubberband ball.
Businessman Ball, Cool Ball, Winter Ball, Chaingang Ball and Ball with a Spider friend
I’ve also dressed him up for holidays.
I think I’ve gone about as far as I can with my little rubber friend, though. I need a new distraction. Maybe I can make Hellboy some friends and pose them in mock battle scenes around my desk. Or, maybe I can experiment with making animals out of binder clips. Or, maybe I can find a job that fulfills me so I don’t have to rely on silly toys to get me through the day. Yeah. One day . . .
Oh my gosh, I’m doing a whole post tomorrow about being bored at this horrid law firm…I swear I wasn’t copying…I already wrote it! Yours is better! I have never, ever had a day that passed as slowly as this one. Good to know I’m not alone.
I believe you! In fact, I’m surprised you haven’t written it earlier. I could have made my rubberband ball a whole robotic prosthetic body with the amount of “free” time you seem to have at your job.
Loved this post! You had me at “gouge your eyes out with a letter opener.”
The first two paragraphs had me rolling on the floor and definitely DID draw me in.
Those two paragraphs engaged all of my senses! (Yes, I was sniffing and licking the screen to complete the experience.)
Hellboy rocks! He must be in a good mood. Do I detect a little bounce in his step? (I’ll bet that comment makes you imagine another use for a letter opener!)
Wow! So happy that I could provide you with a full sensory experience!
Hellboy does rock, and I would never use my letter opener THAT way.
Try one of these opening sentences.
1. “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”
2.” In the beginning, God….”
3.” My name is Ismael.”
4. “It was a dark and rainy night.” (Snoopy’s novel) You figure out the rest. Real page turner’s I’d say.
You can save time and get pre made rubber band balls by getting cheap golf balls and cutting them open. Make one of Sarah Palin. All you need is three nuts for the hat.
The fun is making it from scratch. No short-cuts for me! And I would use a tennis ball for Sarah cause it’s already hollow inside.
I find this to be hilarious. Make due with what you got within a 5-foot radius. We do this too. But it usually involves the Edward cardboard cutout or Craigtron, our intern. Well, I guess he isn’t an intern but he acts like an idiot so I’m demoting him. Not that I can. But it works in my mind.
Another way to cure boredom at work – demote idiot employees and treat them like interns. I love it! I’m going to start that tomorrow!
I don’t know how you do it Amy, I never could. I’ve always somehow gotten lucky, or maybe more aptly, refused to work for a living. I got lucky with a turnpike job where I got paid well to barely work.
And now I live in Spain and do some freelance marketing/advertising/copywriting. If I were you Amy I would either just say “Screw it all” and head for the beach or get yourself a nice morphine drip.
Mmmm, morphine . . .
Well, I’m trying to put my husband through college, so the “screw it all” will have to wait for a while. If we didn’t need health insurance (my husband ends up in the hospital for crazy things about once a year) I probably would have been gone by now. I’ll plod through.
Oh, and thanks for throwing your freewheeling life in Spain all up in my miserable face. That’s awesome.
Jerk.
The reprise of rubberband ball was awesome. If work were fun they wouldn’t call it work, they’d call it….you get it. Have beach, spare bed, jobs available at BP claims office. If that doesn’t make you want to gouge your eyes out I don’t know what would.
No thanks! At least my job is karma neutral.
the rubberband ball just made my day.
When I get stuck on the phone with IT people I draw pictures and post them up where my boss can see. like the one that says “This is what I do at work when on eternal hold with computer software people.” I use all the different color highlighters and pens to make it beautiful. yeah. fun stuff!
Aw, glad you liked him!
Yes, doodling while on hold is another favorite passtime of mine. In fact, I just got a new mousepad that I’ll share with everyone tomorrow that will make doodling even easier . . . Stay tuned!
Rubberband man is my hero! Surely you’ll get a tv series out of this … crossing fingers.
Well, with some of the stupid stuff I see on tv lately, that might be a possibility.
Ooooooh, yay, rubberband ball lives!! I just thought he was cute, sitting there in his little chair – kind like Wilson in Cast Away. Sorry you are so bored at work, in my profession boring is GOOD! You know, if you’d crank out that novel we all know you have in you, you could just live off the royalties and be bored doing something else!
Yeah, yeah. I’m working on it. Kinda.
Brilliant post. That ball could make you famous, or have you carted off to an asylum… It depends who sees it and what they do next.
Either way, I get out of work for a while.
I laughed out loud and that was before I got to the pictures of your rubberband ball dressed up for Christmas. Fantastic. Inspiring…not to necessarily to work in insurance but, I do work in customer service…maybe I could just start to cover myself with rubberbands and then dress up for holidays. Would that be creepy? Thank you for the laugh!
Not so much creepy as constricting. Make sure the ones around your neck are nice and loose.
Always nice to hear that I’m entertaining someone – thanks!