Ending a sentence with a preposition isn’t one of them, obviously.
I’ve been told that I’m awesome way too much lately. It’s true.
I made this messenger bag and was told that I did such a good job I should make more and sell them. How about that?
Zombie Hunter patch not included.
The leader of my writer’s group was, and I quote, “so consistently impressed by [my] writing and editorial suggestions” that he asked me to edit stories for the magazine he works for. It’s unpaid, but could open doors for paid work doing what I love. Hells yeah!
A member of my writer’s group liked my last story so much that he said he would “slap me” if I didn’t submit it for publication somewhere. Compliments emphasized with violence are my favorite. How did he know?
While unsolicited praise is as sweet and desirable as a chocolate cupcake delivered by Jason Statham (mmm, Jason Statham*), I have concerns. Mainly, that I will become smug. Like the color red and stirrup pants, I don’t look good in smug. My wheelhouse is self-depreciation. I’m at my best when I am laughing at myself. How can I do that if I’m standing proud in my ivory tower, throwing stones at all you little people groveling in the mud below?
See? That wasn’t funny. I apologize.
So, for your sake and mine, I will attempt to deflate my ego by listing a few things at which I am terrible:
- Walking and doing pretty much anything else at the same time. I can trip over air, I’m that clumsy.
- Whispering, or in any way talking or laughing quietly. I’m loud. Annoyingly so.
- Being subtle (shocking, I know)
- Penmanship. My handwriting hasn’t improved since the third grade.
- Chopping vegetables. I cut myself every time I use a kitchen knife. Every. Damn. Time.
- Driving at night.
- Cleaning house.
- Math. Just, don’t.
- Being nurturing. If you’re sick I’ll bring you juice and soup, but don’t expect me to stay and rub your head or anything.
There. I feel better now that I’ve sufficiently knocked myself down a peg or two. Besides, you guys are the awesome ones. Stopping by here to read my clumsy attempts at self-therapization. Give yourselves a hand. I mean it! You guys rock and I’d be nothing without you.
Now, get out of here. My bad self’s got some stories to edit.
*An acceptable substitution would be Adam Baldwin and a brownie.
Hey we both used the word “suck” in the headlines of our blog posts today. That doesn’t happen everyday.
I actually like being one of the little people you throw things down at from your lofty height, so it’s ok Amy. Just don’t throw anything nasty or rotted. Or dead.
You got your own tower, Doug, that’s for sure. We can throw things at each other! And, no. Nothing dead.
Unless it’s planning on coming back to life mind you…
Zombies stay with me, Doug.
{sigh} Yet another sad example of a relationship that could have been salvaged with a pre-nup.
I’m starting a new trend. You’re not awesome. You’re FABULOUS! Be sure to say it with enthusiasm…and jazz hands.
I love jazz hands! Thank you!!
You’re a closet Browncoat, aren’t you???
Oh, and that messeger bag really is awesome!
Nuthin’ closet about it. I am an open Browncoat and proud of it.
Thank you, Aimee!
I am pretty sure we might be twins. (only on the terrible things, I can’t write or make awesome messenger bags)
I am constantly reminded by my friends that I don’t have an inside voice! Haha!
Ps. Love the zombie patch!
Terrible twins! Yeah, I never got the whole inside voice thing.
My husband got me that patch for Christmas. He knows me so well.
Amy, you are awesome. As is your messenger bag.
I clicked on the Jason Stratham link for purely educational purposes. (I didn’t recognize the name.I am generationally challenged.) Handsome Rob! Your cupcake delivery fantasy has been approved.
I told someone that you’d suggested “Crap I Want To Do” as my bucket list title. She says you’re awesome, too.See? Everyone knows.
Yes. Handsome Rob and Frank from all those Transporter movies. So glad that you approve.
And stop with all the awesome talk. Just to me, though. Feel free to spread the word of my awesomeness to others. Just don’t tell me about it. Last thing I need is a big head. Thanks!
I thought it was funny as hell. Especially since I’m floating above in my dirigible throwing rocks down on you. Mwuhahaha!
Gotta one up me, don’t ya? That’s okay. I got my rifle trained on your dirigible . . . Ha!
Therapization – is that really a word? I guess when you are as awesome as you are, you can just make ‘em up like that
And that message bag it totally sweet Miss “I can’t sew”! There is a difference in being smug and being proud of what you can and have done. The difference is when you are smug or cocky about something, you think there is no one better than you. Being proud of what you do means you can acknowledge the fact there are better people, but you are pretty darn good … and other people think that too! Be proud, GIRL!! Accept the praise with a smile, a nod, and a simple “thank you” – I’m still working on that myself 
Making up words is my speciality (remember “bitey”). And, yes, I know there is a difference between being smug and proud of yourself. I am just uncomfortable with too much praise. Which, is okay, I suppose. It’s better than expecting praise and being angry when it isn’t heaped upon me. But, that’s just another thing to add to my list of things I’m terrible at – being proud!
You’ve got plenty of things to be proud of yourself, girlie. You ROCK!
“…at which I am terrible.” Correct. “…nothing without you. ” No good. “…magazine he works for.” No good. “…stories to edit.” No good. Just remember the simple rule: NEVER END A SENTENCE WITH A PREPOSITION. huh? My 9th grade English teacher made us learn that. You won’t believe this. Her name was Mrs. English.Well, time for me to move on. (no, “on” is not a prep here. It is an adv. telling where).
That’s one rule I really don’t pay much attention to. (see! did it again!)
Congrats on the compliments! I’d like to give you another: That bag is awesome! Definitely make more and sell them (with zombie patches).
Since I pillaged a few old purses for the hardware, I have no idea how much it would cost to make one of these, not to mention that it took me about 8 hours to make it. I would have to charge $100 a bag to make it worth my while! The zombie patches would be a good selling point though.
Thanks, Thoughts!
Hmmmm. I really want to make a long thought-out comment here, but for starters you can never think too much of yourself because: a) your family will immediately bring you to reality (remember the assassination attempt by your sister last summer); and b) no matter what you DO, you’ll always BE more. Keep growing. PS GREAT bag, you do have a way of making the ordinary extraordinary.
I do count on you guys to keep me grounded. I think I have a very long way to go before I become completely full of myself, though.
Hi Mom. Your daughter is simply AMAZING.
The usual remittance thank you.
I think he deserves a raise.
Hey, do you Canadians have to pay taxes on this kind of payoff? In the US you get a 1099 and report it to the IRS…maybe I should call the Prime Minister. Heck I gotta a good friend that called Margaret Thacher one evening after we had sat around drinking for several hours…it was morning in England and the receptionist that answered said “she didn’t take calls from just anyone you know.” But Betty left her name and number just the same. She was never “approached” by the CIA, but after that we always thought they were hanging around every time we spent the evening drinking. Back to my original thought, how many desperate mothers are you milking for money right now?
I am sure this is an “under the table” type of transaction.
I’m speechless at the insinuation that I am milking other desperate mothers in addition to you.
Silence does not equal innocence.
No seriously. Mom is the only person I am extorting money from!
Yes, but “Mom” could be any number of people. You didn’t specifically say “your Mom.”
I should have been a lawyer. This is too fun.
Wait a second, I thought she adopted me?!
The paperwork is still tied up in the courts. It’s a long process, ya know. (if you aren’t Angelina Jolie, that is)
Um, yes apparently we are blog soul mates. I am terrible at 8 out of the 9 things that you are, the exception being cleaning house. I hate it, but I’m damn good at it. I would have to add being on time to my list of terribles … I just can’t seem to do it. Thanks for the laughs!
It’s good to know that you are not alone in your faults, isn’t it?
Fortunately, none of the things you supposedly suck at are important (except for driving at night). The important things, sounds like you’ve got figured out.
Well, I don’t have all the important things figured out entirely, but I get by.
Thanks, Todd!
I think your bag is badass. I still can’t believe I haven’t used my sewing machine yet. (so sad… so sad) And I love that you’re editing!!! I’m not sure why because it doesn’t sound fun to me but knowing that it’s something you love makes me very, very happy for you.
You’ve been knitting, though, so I can forgive the lack of sewing machine love. Knitting is so beyond me. It’s too much like math.
And, I know that editing doesn’t sound fun to most people, but I am having a blast. It’s awesome and the guy I’m doing it for is even more awesome.
Thank you, Brooke! You’re too sweet.
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