Have you ever wondered how I come up with my snarky comments for those retro ads I’m so fond of?
No?
Well, this is a little awkward. I’ll pretend to be interested in this magazine while you back out of the room and quietly close the door behind you.
Okay, then. My process for captioning those ads is twofold:
1. Write down the first thing that pops into my head
2. Edit for spelling and f-bombs
If I stare at an ad for longer than a minute and an idea for a caption hasn’t materialized, I move on. I’ve found that if I try to force it, it just falls flat. (That’s what she said! Sorry.)
Here’s an example:
When I saw this one, the first thing that popped into my head was “Bubble Tape.” I haven’t seen Bubble Tape in years. Do they even still make the stuff? I don’t know why my brain went there, but can you look at that picture and not see Bubble Tape, now?
This was an ad for silverware, which is random in itself. What does football have to do with flatware? Anyway, concussion injuries of football players has been in the news quite a bit recently, so when I saw the mysterious floating spoon, I figured it had to be a symptom of brain damage.
This one was easy. These dudes are super white and look super smug. A few grueling days working at the Bubble Tape factory will take them down a peg or two. This one was also heavily influenced by Louis CK (link is to a video clip of his stand-up and is kinda NSFW, but oh so funny).
I apologize in advance for this next one. Mom, is someone at your door? You may want to go check.
Yes, I went there. I’m not proud of myself. Unless you thought it was funny, that is.
As always, thank you Plan59 for allowing me to rape your website for blog material.
duh, you think I wouldn’t notice that beaver not only was wearing boots, she “left her hat on”.
Yep. Thanks, mom. Now that’s all I see (and hear).
Wow, I couldn’t have those kinds of conversations with my mom. She would wash my mouth out with soap. Still.
What? You and your mom don’t sit around talking about beavers? Very industrious little creatures, they are.
*hee, hee! hee*
Ok I am NOT sharing your posts with my mom anymore Amy!
But why? Does your mom have a thing against small, woodland creatures? I don’t understand.
*snort!*
This whole exchange is entertaining me waaayyy more than it should!
The beaver one made me laugh
The bubble tape one I saw “Bill fought hard to keep the tape worm at bay”. Ok, I will get my coat.
xxx
Ha! “Tapeworm” is awesome! Ew, but now I’m thinking Bubble Tapeworm and that’s just wrong.
But I looked and saw Bazooka Bubble Gum…it’s just SO OBVIOUS! >:( One, looong piece of pink bubble gum. For the Guiness book of World Records. It’s just so obvious.
Well, that it was bubble gum is obvious. I don’t think the brand matters as much.
Oh, you are so good at this. The floating spoon comment is especially hilarious. Writing, like any other art, covers such a broad range of ability and consciousness. I’m always in awe of people who can come up with captions on a regular basis. Or people who can rant about anything and make it hilarious. Or whatever it is I can’t do. And somewhere on this planet, I’m sure there is someone who is in awe of what I do, although I can’t figure out what it is I do or who that person is.
You definitely have your own set of skills! You always manage to crack me up with your writing.
And, I can only come up with these captions because no one makes me do them. If I had to do this for a living or if people demanded them of me, I know I would instantly draw a blank. My brain is very oppositional defiant that way.
Super white and super smug…why yes they are. I’ve always been so fond of your retro pics. I often wonder why retro ads are so strange, but then I remember that crack used to be thought of as medicinal…
Yes. They were all on crack. It’s the only explaination!
Yes, they do still have Bubble Tape. Amazing, isn’t it?
And what’s up with that spoon? So random.
I know, right? Football and knives – I’ll accept that. But spoons? Weird.
Definitely thought of bubble tape before I even read the quip. The beaver – so classic!
It looks just like giant Bubble Tape, doesn’t it? And, yes. The beaver. Where else could that one go?
Why does that man get to play golf while all the other workers are bustin A ?
Because he’s “management,” Carl.
All of these are really funny, Amy. I just heard the Louis CK piece the other day. The guy’s a genius.
Isn’t he? He about gives me an asthma attack from laughing so hard.
Thanks, Todd!
I didn’t know bubblegum tape was made in Lilliput. Another American company sends jobs overseas!
Ha! Brilliant.
This is unbelievable. Bubble tape was my favorite. No. Smug White Guys for sure.
Don’t play favorites. It makes the others jealous.
Thanks, Knox!
Effortless cant be overrated…love these!
Think there is still bubbletape. saw a lot of it when i coached my son’s baseball team when he was in elementary school.
I think I was in elementary school the last time I had it!
Thanks, Oma!
Are you making fun of white people? Some of my favorite people are white–like me!
Well, If I make fun of any other kind of people, I’m racist. Plus, only white people seemed to exist in the 1950s. Weird.
Unfortunately this is true.
white guys can’t even make jokes about themselves because they have multiple ethnicities and particular white ethnicities will be offended. We can’t make women jokes because the girl friend will drop us or the wife will sue us for cruelty and such. One thing of contemporary humor seems that black comedians have routines composed almost exclusively of race topics(except for Cosby) and white comedians like Seinfeld have humor based on mere funny things in general.
I find it’s always safest if I just make fun of myself. I’ll never run out of material.