deceased and desist

Michelle pulled up the zippers on her new pair of boots and stood to admire herself in the full-length mirror.  The black leather, stack-heeled beauties reached her knees and were adorned with large silver buckles.  They were more Mad Max than Pretty Woman and they made Michelle feel like a bad ass.  She had to take them for a spin.

“Come on, Louis, let’s go.”

She hooked the leash to her little dog’s collar and strolled out her front door.  Yes, it was impractical to walk her dog in a short skirt and knee high boots, but she rationalized that she was just breaking in the leather.

The afternoon was unseasonably bright and warm for early March, which Michelle hoped meant that Winter was finally packing it up for the year.  As she walked down her block, she waved at her neighbor trimming his hedges and smiled at the cute bicycling guy who craned his neck to watch her as he passed.

She turned down the next street then stopped after a bit to let Louis inspect a mailbox post.  Looking up, she saw a police officer standing on the sidewalk about twenty yards ahead.  Louis saw the officer, too, and let out a low growl, his ears flat against his small brown head.  Michelle tugged on his leash and shushed him.  When she stepped forward, he didn’t budge, just continued to stare at the officer and growl.

“Louis! What is wrong with you?”

The officer walked toward her, and she was preparing an apology for her rude dog, but the sight of blood on his forearm stilled her tongue.  As he approached, she noticed his gait was stiff and awkward and his uniform was torn in several places.  However, what concerned her most was the awful gash across his chest that exposed his ribs.  Or, at least, it concerned her that the officer didn’t seem concerned in the slightest.  He kept advancing toward her, moaning and staggering in a way that was at once familiar and all too strange.

Michelle had seen Daryl Dixon fire his crossbow enough times to know what she was dealing with, however, she never expected to encounter a zombie outside of her television screen.

She turned and ran back the way she had come, Louis right by her side.  When she saw that her neighbor was still in his yard, she sprinted up to him and held out Louis’ leash.  “Mr. Campbell,” she said, trying to catch her breath.  “This is going to sound odd, but can you watch my dog for a minute while I borrow your hedge clippers?”

Mr. Campbell regarded her with a raised eyebrow.  “What’s this all about?”

“I promise I’ll explain after I’m done.  Please.”

He still appeared reluctant, but he handed Michelle the clippers anyway and took the leash.

“Thank you!” she yelled over her shoulder as she jogged back toward the creature that used to be a police officer.

She saw the thing immediately after she turned the corner and she slowed to a walk, gripping the hedge clippers tight.  It occurred to her that she was much calmer than she would have ever thought possible in this sort of situation.  She knew exactly what she needed to do, and she was focused on her task.

The undead officer was only a few feet from her now and it lunged toward her.  In one movement, she stepped to the side, lifted the clippers with both hands, then drove them into the zombie’s skull.  It fell to the sidewalk, a heap of rotting flesh and bones.  She took a moment to admire her work before yanking the clippers out of the now fully-dead creature then wiping the blades clean of blood and brains on the tattered uniform shirt.

As Michelle walked back to Mr. Campbell’s, she couldn’t help but feel proud of what she’d just done.  She never thought she’d be capable of facing something as terrifying as a zombie without so much as a flinch.

Must be the new boots, she thought with a smile.

police officer

A while back, I received a very nice request from Michelle (of Steadily Skipping Stones) that I insert her into one of my zombie stories.  I was at once flattered and terrified.  I mean, immortalizing someone in a story is all kinds of pressure.  But, I promised I’d do it so here it is.  I hope you like it, Michelle.  And I hope you get your own pair of zombie-ass-kickin’ boots one day.

If you would like me to write you into a zombie story, you have to get in line behind Lenore, because she’s next. After that, my schedule is clear.  Just let me know if you’d prefer to be one of the living or one of the undead.  I’d hate to kill you and have you be all pissed off at me. Who needs that, right?

And if you’d like to read my zombie stories for January and February, just go to my Zombie-A-Month 2013 page.

Rudolph – BlogFestivus 2012

Eight reindeer slowly approached a small stable on the far edge of  Santa’s compound.

“Remind me why the elves can’t do this?” Comet stopped, her knees shaking.

Dasher pushed her forward.  “You want P.E.T.E.* all over our asses again?  Keep moving.”

When they reached the stable, they just stood there, staring at the closed door.

“Shit,” said Dancer.  “I’ll do it.”  She stepped up to the door and took a few cleansing breaths, then knocked three times.

The stable was silent.

Dancer cleared her throat and said to the door, “Rudolph? Sir? It’s time.”

A low growl rumbled from inside the stable followed by short huffs and snorts.

The group backed away.  Blitzen pulled Dancer behind him.  It was old fashioned, but she appreciated the chivalry.

Then the stable door burst open, sending splinters flying across the snow.  Rudolph stalked through the doorway, hooves stamping at the earth, lips curled into a snarl.  His rage was manifest in the unholy red light that pulsed from his nose in time with his thundering heartbeat.  He threw his head back in a bone rattling roar, massive antlers slicing through the cold night air.  Rudolph then reared back and leaped forward, storming off toward the sled staging area where elves waited with tasers and chains.

After a moment, the group turned to follow Rudolph.  Vixen stifled a sob and Donner wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

Prancer shook his head and said, “Merry fuckin’ Christmas, everyone.”

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*People for the Ethical Treatment of Elves. But you knew that.

And that marks the end of this little challenge.  I hope you all has as much fun corrupting these nine icons of Christmas cheer as I did.

Learn what this craziness is all about by clicking on the BlogFestivus 2012 picture.

Please make sure you visit the other blogs participating in this madness to read how they ended this challenge with Rudolph:

Blogdramedy – the Conductor of this Joy Train

Steve Betz – the holiday mixer.

Rewind Revise – newly married and on her very own joy train.

Lenore Diane — thoughts from the Elf Queen herself.

Shouts from the Abyss – Tom’s on a mission to blighten your holiday season.

Lynn Schneider Books — Lynn, the BlogFestivus newbie.

1 Point Perspective — the Bruce Willis of WordPress.

So I Went Undercover — she’s undercover and that’s all I’ll say about that.

Joe Owen’s Blog — he’s got forty-something eyes. Not Betty Davis eyes.

MC’s Whispers – Maria-Christina works in PR. What kind of “spin” will she put on this writing challenge?

LittleWonder2  – a musical surfing vampire lover. I know.

Blog It or Lose It! – One word. Minecraft.

Voice in Me — Reena’s from India…where reindeer go on vacation.

Apprentice, never master – Gwendolyn, the fearless.

A Year of Daily Posts — Sarah, the paperback writer (three manuscripts but they count.)

Dot Knows! — Liz, the life changer.

k8edid — oh, yes. She did.

The Day After — A musing wannabe.

A Spoonful of Suga — Making reality sexy.

Random Says  – In the moment. At the moment.

 

Blitzen – Blog-Festivus 2012

It was the last night before the main event and the gang decided on a quiet gathering in the recreation barn instead of a wild night on the town.  Bing Crosby crooned in the background while reindeer chatted in scattered groups, nibbling on oatmeal cookies and sipping festive drinks.

Blitzen was ladling out another mug-full of rum punch when he felt a hand on his elbow.

“You sure you need another drink, Blitz?” asked Vixen.

“This is only my second one,” he said.

“I know, but better to be safe than sorry, huh?”

She reached for his mug of punch, but he pulled it away.  “I don’t have a drinking problem!”

He said this loud enough that the whole gang was looking at him now.  A few shook their heads, others looked uncomfortable.  Vixen patted him on the shoulder and whispered, “Calm down.  We’re all friends here.”

Blitzen groaned and tossed back his punch, slamming the mug on the bar.  “Listen, everyone!”  There was a sound of a needle being pulled across a record, which was strange cause he was certain they were playing a CD.  “I appreciate your concern, but I’m not an alcoholic. I have an inner ear problem and I stumble sometimes. That’s all.  Besides, “he pointed to Prancer, passed out under the Christmas tree, “he’s the one you need to be worried about.”

Vixen shook her head as she poured Blitzen more punch. “Oh, we’ve given up on him.”

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Blitzen is German for “lightning,” but not white lightning.

Learn what this craziness is all about by clicking on the BlogFestivus 2012 picture.

Please make sure you visit the other blogs participating in this madness to read what they have in store for Blitzen:

Blogdramedy – the Conductor of this Joy Train

Steve Betz – the holiday mixer.

Rewind Revise – newly married and on her very own joy train.

Lenore Diane — thoughts from the Elf Queen herself.

Shouts from the Abyss – Tom’s on a mission to blighten your holiday season.

Lynn Schneider Books — Lynn, the BlogFestivus newbie.

1 Point Perspective — the Bruce Willis of WordPress.

So I Went Undercover — she’s undercover and that’s all I’ll say about that.

Joe Owen’s Blog — he’s got forty-something eyes. Not Betty Davis eyes.

MC’s Whispers – Maria-Christina works in PR. What kind of “spin” will she put on this writing challenge?

LittleWonder2  – a musical surfing vampire lover. I know.

Blog It or Lose It! – One word. Minecraft.

Voice in Me — Reena’s from India…where reindeer go on vacation.

Apprentice, never master – Gwendolyn, the fearless.

A Year of Daily Posts — Sarah, the paperback writer (three manuscripts but they count.)

Dot Knows! — Liz, the life changer.

k8edid — oh, yes. She did.

The Day After — A musing wannabe.

A Spoonful of Suga — Making reality sexy.

Random Says  – In the moment. At the moment.

Donner – BlogFestivus 2012

Donner took a sip of his beer then lowered the bottle to pick at the label. He regretted letting Dasher talk him into coming out to the bar tonight. It was always the same. The other guys would each find some willing doe to chat up and ply with free alcohol, and he’d be left at the table, drinking alone.

Not that he didn’t try. Donner would find some cutie and offer to by her a drink. He was a good enough looking guy, so the doe would usually say yes. Then came the questions.

“You’re on the big guy’s sled team?”

Donner would nod.

“What’s your name again?”

“Donner.”

“And you’re one of the original members? Not some new guy.”

“Yep. On the team from the beginning.”

“Oh. Hey! Can you introduce me to Prancer?”

Every time, it was some variation of this same conversation. He couldn’t help it if he wasn’t as flashy as Dasher and Prancer or didn’t have the name recognition of Cupid and Blitzen. He was just Donner. He liked classic rock, action movies, and his name meant “thunder” in German. Not that any doe ever talked with him long enough to find out.

“Hi. I’m Clara.”

Donner looked up to see a beautiful doe standing in front of him. “Donner,” he said.

“Oh, thank god you’re not one of those sled team guys. They’re so full of themselves. Mind if I sit?”

Donner chuckled. “No. Please do.”

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Donner likes to fly under the radar. Heh. Get it? Fly? *sigh*

Learn what this craziness is all about by clicking on the BlogFestivus 2012 picture.

Please make sure you visit the other blogs participating in this madness to read what they put their Donner through:

Blogdramedy – the Conductor of this Joy Train

Steve Betz – the holiday mixer.

Rewind Revise – newly married and on her very own joy train.

Lenore Diane — thoughts from the Elf Queen herself.

Shouts from the Abyss – Tom’s on a mission to blighten your holiday season.

Lynn Schneider Books — Lynn, the BlogFestivus newbie.

1 Point Perspective — the Bruce Willis of WordPress.

So I Went Undercover — she’s undercover and that’s all I’ll say about that.

Joe Owen’s Blog — he’s got forty-something eyes. Not Betty Davis eyes.

MC’s Whispers – Maria-Christina works in PR. What kind of “spin” will she put on this writing challenge?

LittleWonder2  – a musical surfing vampire lover. I know.

Blog It or Lose It! – One word. Minecraft.

Voice in Me — Reena’s from India…where reindeer go on vacation.

Apprentice, never master – Gwendolyn, the fearless.

A Year of Daily Posts — Sarah, the paperback writer (three manuscripts but they count.)

Dot Knows! — Liz, the life changer.

k8edid — oh, yes. She did.

The Day After — A musing wannabe.

A Spoonful of Suga — Making reality sexy.

Random Says  – In the moment. At the moment.

Cupid – BlogFestivus 2012

Cupid sat on his bunk in his stall as he re-read the letter from Polar Regional Hospital. The results from his yearly physical were all in the normal to above average range except one–the one added to the battery of tests this year.

“What’s up, man?” Prancer leaned in the wide doorway of Cupid’s stall.

“Nothing.”

“Ooh! Are those your physical results?” Prancer plucked the letter out of Cupid’s grasp and scanned it. “What was your time on the mile dash? I’ll bet you my next paycheck you didn’t beat . . . Oh.” Prancer gave Cupid a worried look. “Bummer, dude.”

Cupid shrugged. “It’s okay. I mean, I’m not even sure I want calves anyway.”

Donner walked up. “Hi, guys. Why the long faces?”

Prancer handed the letter to Donner and said, “Cupid’s bow is shooting blanks.”

Donner shook his head. “That doesn’t make any sense. Arrows can’t be blanks.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Prancer scratched his ear. “Um, his bow is broke?”

“No, no.” Donner looked to Cupid. “Your bow,” he made the air quotes gesture with his hooves, “is working fine, right?”

Slack-jawed, Cupid just nodded.

“So,” said Donner to Prancer, “it’s more like Cupid’s arrows have no points.”

“Yeah.” Prancer made a jabbing gesture. “‘Cause they can’t penetrate the target.”

Comet stuck her head in the doorway. “What’s going on?”

“Cupid is pointless,” said Prancer.

Cupid groaned and leaned back on his bunk, pulling the pillow over his head.

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Don’t ask me now hooves can make air quotes.  The reindeer talk, for pete’s sake.  Let’s keep things in perspective.

Learn what this craziness is all about by clicking on the BlogFestivus 2012 picture.

Please make sure you visit the other blogs participating in this madness to read how they tortured poor Cupid:

Blogdramedy – the Conductor of this Joy Train

Steve Betz – the holiday mixer.

Rewind Revise – newly married and on her very own joy train.

Lenore Diane — thoughts from the Elf Queen herself.

Shouts from the Abyss – Tom’s on a mission to blighten your holiday season.

Lynn Schneider Books — Lynn, the BlogFestivus newbie.

1 Point Perspective — the Bruce Willis of WordPress.

So I Went Undercover — she’s undercover and that’s all I’ll say about that.

Joe Owen’s Blog — he’s got forty-something eyes. Not Betty Davis eyes.

MC’s Whispers – Maria-Christina works in PR. What kind of “spin” will she put on this writing challenge?

LittleWonder2  – a musical surfing vampire lover. I know.

Blog It or Lose It! – One word. Minecraft.

Voice in Me — Reena’s from India…where reindeer go on vacation.

Apprentice, never master – Gwendolyn, the fearless.

A Year of Daily Posts — Sarah, the paperback writer (three manuscripts but they count.)

Dot Knows! — Liz, the life changer.

k8edid — oh, yes. She did.

The Day After — A musing wannabe.

A Spoonful of Suga — Making reality sexy.

Random Says  – In the moment. At the moment.

Comet – BlogFestivus 2012

“What the hell are we doing here?” Dasher asked.

Dancer pulled him down to sit on the floor next to her and gave him a stern look. “All of us went to your heavy metal vomit-palooza thing last summer, so it’s only right you do this for Comet.”

He groaned. “Yeah, but that was fun.”

“Are you kidding me?” She raised an eyebrow at him. “I got covered in mud and some random guy fell on me and accidentally got to third base.”

“Sounds like fun to me,” Dasher grumbled under his breath.

She didn’t bother to reply and just watched as the rest of the gang settled on the rug in a large circle, with one spot vacant. The air hung heavy with spicy incense and music played in the background that sounded suspiciously like squirrels fighting with wind chimes.

Then Comet entered through a beaded curtain, wearing a long, flowing robe in a pseudo-oriental pattern and flowers woven around her antlers. “Welcome, friends,” she said as she glided into the room to fill the empty spot in the circle. “Your presence brings harmony and tranquility to my humble home.”

Comet took a moment to bow to each guest, hooves pressed together over her chest. Afterward she said, “Tonight we’ll begin by balancing our chakras.”

“Oh hell no,” Dancer whispered as she started to stand.

Dasher yanked her back down and grinned. “Vomit-palooza is sounding pretty good right about now, isn’t it?”

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With a name like Comet, you had to expect her to be a little spacey.  (Thank you. I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waitress.)

Learn what this craziness is all about by clicking on the BlogFestivus 2012 picture.

Please make sure you visit the other blogs participating in this madness to read their stories for Comet:

Blogdramedy – the Conductor of this Joy Train

Steve Betz – the holiday mixer.

Rewind Revise – newly married and on her very own joy train.

Lenore Diane — thoughts from the Elf Queen herself.

Shouts from the Abyss – Tom’s on a mission to blighten your holiday season.

Lynn Schneider Books — Lynn, the BlogFestivus newbie.

1 Point Perspective — the Bruce Willis of WordPress.

So I Went Undercover — she’s undercover and that’s all I’ll say about that.

Joe Owen’s Blog — he’s got forty-something eyes. Not Betty Davis eyes.

MC’s Whispers – Maria-Christina works in PR. What kind of “spin” will she put on this writing challenge?

LittleWonder2  – a musical surfing vampire lover. I know.

Blog It or Lose It! – One word. Minecraft.

Voice in Me — Reena’s from India…where reindeer go on vacation.

Apprentice, never master – Gwendolyn, the fearless.

A Year of Daily Posts — Sarah, the paperback writer (three manuscripts but they count.)

Dot Knows! — Liz, the life changer.

k8edid — oh, yes. She did.

The Day After — A musing wannabe.

A Spoonful of Suga — Making reality sexy.

Random Says  – In the moment. At the moment.

Vixen – BlogFestivus 2012

Walking passed the recreation barn, Vixen heard something that made her stop dead. Clutching her library book to her chest, she leaned in close to the window to get a better listen, hoping she was mistaken. No such luck.

Maybe the song’s just playing on the radio, she thought. But when she opened the door to the barn and saw the gang huddled around Donner’s laptop, she knew her secret was finally out in the open. She pushed her glasses further up her snout and walked toward the group.

Dasher saw her approach and laughed as he said, “Why didn’t you tell us about this, Vix?”

“Damn,” said Donner. “This totally blows my whole image of you out of the water!”

Vixen knew the video by heart, but she watched anyway.

A guitar-heavy chorus, typical of the hair metal songs of the time, played as the camera panned to a snow covered field. And there was Vixen, all of nineteen years old, striking sultry poses while sprawled on the hood of a cherry red Polaris snowmobile.

Cupid looked scandalized. “I can’t believe you were a video vamp. I mean, you don’t even drink and you always got your nose buried in a book.”

“I used to be quite the party girl,” Vixen said. “I grew out of it.”

Donner shook his head as he replayed the video. “If only I’d known you then.”

Vixen smirked. “You wouldn’t have been able to handle me.”

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We all got stuff in our past we’d like to keep buried. Like bodies.

Learn what this craziness is all about by clicking on the BlogFestivus 2012 picture.

Please make sure you visit the other blogs participating in this madness to read their stories for Vixen:

Blogdramedy – the Conductor of this Joy Train

Steve Betz – the holiday mixer.

Rewind Revise – newly married and on her very own joy train.

Lenore Diane — thoughts from the Elf Queen herself.

Shouts from the Abyss – Tom’s on a mission to blighten your holiday season.

Lynn Schneider Books — Lynn, the BlogFestivus newbie.

1 Point Perspective — the Bruce Willis of WordPress.

So I Went Undercover — she’s undercover and that’s all I’ll say about that.

Joe Owen’s Blog — he’s got forty-something eyes. Not Betty Davis eyes.

MC’s Whispers – Maria-Christina works in PR. What kind of “spin” will she put on this writing challenge?

LittleWonder2  – a musical surfing vampire lover. I know.

Blog It or Lose It! – One word. Minecraft.

Voice in Me — Reena’s from India…where reindeer go on vacation.

Apprentice, never master – Gwendolyn, the fearless.

A Year of Daily Posts — Sarah, the paperback writer (three manuscripts but they count.)

Dot Knows! — Liz, the life changer.

k8edid — oh, yes. She did.

The Day After — A musing wannabe.

A Spoonful of Suga — Making reality sexy.

Random Says  – In the moment. At the moment.

Dancer – BlogFestivus 2012

Comet and Blitzen pulled the new recruit, a young buck named Owen, close so he could hear them over the festive music.

“See that pretty little thing over there?” Comet pointed across the dance floor to a doe standing by herself next to the wall, sipping champagne.

Owen blushed.  “Yeah. I see her alright.”

“You should ask her to dance,” said Blitzen, elbowing Owen in the ribs.

Owen’s blush deepened.  “Oh, no way.  She’s totally out of my league.”

“You’d be surprised,” Comet said.  “The pretty gals intimidate a lot of guys, so they end up never getting asked to dance. It’s a shame.”  He tipped up his beer to hide his smile.

Blitzen nodded. “It’s true.  She’s just waiting for one brave soul to step up and ask her.”

Owen looked at the beautiful doe, all alone while people partied around her, and stood up a little straighter.  “Okay.  I’ll do it.”  He shouldered his way through the crowd and when he finally stood next to the doe, he lost his nerve and didn’t speak.  Glancing across the room he saw Comet and Blitzen motioning with their hooves and nodding their heads.

He took a deep breath and blurted out, “Would you like to dance?”

She lowered her drink and glared at him. “Is that supposed to be funny?”

“Uh . . . I . . . “

“Answer me, hay for brains!”

Owen looked to his friends for help, but they were doubled over, laughing their fool asses off.

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You would think she’d be less sensitive about being named “Dancer” after all these years. I suppose not.

Learn what this craziness is all about by clicking on the BlogFestivus 2012 picture.

Please make sure you visit the other blogs participating in this madness to read what stories they concoct for Dancer:

Blogdramedy – the Conductor of this Joy Train

Steve Betz – the holiday mixer.

Rewind Revise – newly married and on her very own joy train.

Lenore Diane — thoughts from the Elf Queen herself.

Shouts from the Abyss – Tom’s on a mission to blighten your holiday season.

Lynn Schneider Books — Lynn, the BlogFestivus newbie.

1 Point Perspective — the Bruce Willis of WordPress.

So I Went Undercover — she’s undercover and that’s all I’ll say about that.

Joe Owen’s Blog — he’s got forty-something eyes. Not Betty Davis eyes.

MC’s Whispers – Maria-Christina works in PR. What kind of “spin” will she put on this writing challenge?

LittleWonder2  – a musical surfing vampire lover. I know.

Blog It or Lose It! – One word. Minecraft.

Voice in Me — Reena’s from India…where reindeer go on vacation.

Apprentice, never master – Gwendolyn, the fearless.

A Year of Daily Posts — Sarah, the paperback writer (three manuscripts but they count.)

Diary of a Sensitive Soul — Immie, blogging from the U.K. (Why am I feeling Bruce Springsteen?)

Dot Knows! — Liz, the life changer.

k8edid — oh, yes. She did.

The Day After — A musing wannabe.

A Spoonful of Suga — Making reality sexy.

Random Says  – In the moment. At the moment.

Dasher – BlogFestivus 2012

Wailing guitars and thundering drums echoed out through the barn doors and into the cold night.  A group of reindeer stood outside in the snow and watched as the Stable Elf approached.

“He’s in there.” One of the reindeer pointed a hoof at the barn.

The Elf walked inside and clamped his hands over his ears to shield them from the roaring music.  He felt the floorboards vibrate from the base-line as he made his way to the last stall on the right.

Inside the stall was another reindeer, thrashing his antlered head up and down, knees bowing and flexing, spine undulating in time with the music blaring through the sound system anchored on the stable wall.

“Dasher!” The Elf tried to make himself heard over the ruckus.  “Dasher! What are you doing?”

The reindeer didn’t stop his gyrations as he yelled, “It’s not Dasher anymore!  I wanna be called Mosher!”

The Elf shook his head and turned down the music. “Not this again.  Last year you wanted to be called Basher and you clubbed everything with a mallet.”

“That was dumb, I’m over that now.” He cranked the music back up. “Mosher is cool! Mosher is ME!”

The Elf left Dasher aka Mosher to his frenetic dancing and exited the barn.  He shrugged at the weary looks from the other reindeer.

“Mosher I can live with,” said Vixen. “But if next year he wants us to call him Flasher, I’m outta here.”

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Last year, I participated in Blogdramedy’s BlogFestivus 2011 (also known as Game Bird Holocaust 2011).  Well, it was so fun that I came back for more this year. (I’m a glutton for punishment, what can I say.)

The rules for this year’s challenge are to each day write a 243 word story starring one of the nine reindeer that most people closely associate with Santa Claus.  However, none of the stories need to include Christmas themes, good cheer, or behavior becoming a responsible, reasonable adult. Sounds like my kind of party!

Please make sure you visit the other blogs participating in this madness to read what stories they came up with for ‘ole Dasher:

Blogdramedy – the Conductor of this Joy Train

Steve Betz – the holiday mixer.

Rewind Revise – newly married and on her very own joy train.

Lenore Diane — thoughts from the Elf Queen herself.

Shouts from the Abyss – Tom’s on a mission to blighten your holiday season.

Lynn Schneider Books — Lynn, the BlogFestivus newbie.

1 Point Perspective — the Bruce Willis of WordPress.

So I Went Undercover — she’s undercover and that’s all I’ll say about that.

Joe Owen’s Blog — he’s got forty-something eyes. Not Betty Davis eyes.

MC’s Whispers – Maria-Christina works in PR. What kind of “spin” will she put on this writing challenge?

LittleWonder2  – a musical surfing vampire lover. I know.

Blog It or Lose It! – One word. Minecraft.

Voice in Me — Reena’s from India…where reindeer go on vacation.

Apprentice, never master – Gwendolyn, the fearless.

A Year of Daily Posts — Sarah, the paperback writer (three manuscripts but they count.)

Diary of a Sensitive Soul — Immie, blogging from the U.K. (Why am I feeling Bruce Springsteen?)

Dot Knows! — Liz, the life changer.

k8edid — oh, yes. She did.

The Day After — A musing wannabe.

A Spoonful of Suga — Making reality sexy.

 

just don’t tell me to clean my room

When there is no one or no thing making demands on your time, you come to learn some stuff about yourself.
Some of this stuff is revelatory. Some ain’t so pretty.

For one, I’ve learned that I am quite happy to relinquish my financial responsibility. This is significant because, for the past few years, I’ve made all the money. I paid all the bills. For a while, I gave my husband an allowance because, god love him, he seemed to have little concept of how every time he used his debit card, actual cash money left our account. But he was in college full time and I was willing to suffer the daily grind for the greater good.

Well, I was willing to suffer right up until the moment when my will shattered like a plate glass window and I backed out of my job waiving a jagged shard in front of me, daring anyone to make me stay.  I was so happy I quit that I didn’t even care where we would find the money to live. I let it go. Gave it up to the universe and giggled like an idiot while suckling from the spout on my last box of wine.

As life plans go, it wasn’t the most well thought out, but someone up there must have been smiling down on my drunken, manic self.  A week after I quit, my husband got a job. A good job with benefits in the field that he was going to school for. He is now the bread-winner and I am the one staying at home, getting the allowance.  Suits me just fine.  Just don’t call me a house wife. I will cut you.

I’ve also learned that, if left to my own devices, I prefer to stay awake until about three in the morning and sleep until noonish. I’ve never been a morning person, so now I choose to just by-pass morning all together. This arrangement has also reaffirmed my belief that cereal is a perfectly acceptable meal at any hour of the day or night.

So, I’m an irresponsible slacker who stays up until all hours and makes questionable nutritional choices.

Yes, dear readers, I am a teenager.

Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a box of frosted mini-wheats in the cupboard calling my name.