What better way to get back into the blogging groove than to do a post about the crazy Google search terms that led people to my blog. Besides, I promised a Summer 2012 edition of “This is Not the Blog You’re Looking For” last winter and, because I forgot to cross my fingers behind my back when making said promise, I gotta deliver. (won’t be making that mistake again)
I have actually featured each of these items on my blog in the past. I’m nothing if not . . . eclectic.
Yeah, it’s not what you’re thinking. Or, ya know, maybe it is. I stopped trying to figure you guys out a long time ago.
Next on the menu is:
adventist shamburger recipe
seventh day adventist recipes mockfish
Thanks to my Pulitzer nominated post, “its a cookbook! a cookbook!,” if you Google “seventh day adventist shamburger recipe” my blog is the first search result. Which is hi-larious until the day some poor soul who actually wanted a recipe for shamburgers stumbled unawares into my web of sarcasm. You will see from our comment exchange that I handled it in the manner of a responsible adult, which I can quite convincingly pretend to be. (not today, however)
Then, as always, there is the random, mixed-bag of search terms that inspired the title to this blog series:
yes bitch i drank all the wine – Hey, can we hang out?
i cannot whore myself to you – That’s okay cause I wasn’t going to pay you anyway.
love poems to your dead grandparents – Well, I guess that’s better than the dirty limericks you wrote when my cousin was in a coma.
beagle tilt – Is that anything like cow tipping?
glue to make red solo cup wine glasses – Use whatever glue you aren’t sniffing at the moment.
steampunk nazi ninja – Oh, Internet, don’t ever change.
can a guy pull off dressing like princess leia – The Rebel Alliance is quite open-minded about these things.
peanut butter digital artwork – Sorry, I like my peanut butter analog. I’m old-school that way.
i’ll pack my bags but if you end up hurting me, breaking my heart, or if i find out stuff that hurts me i might kill myself. i have a lot of love to give but i am a fragile person that is easily destroyed – Huh? You’re still here? I totally stopped listening after “I’ll pack my bags.”