retro fun: players and haters edition

Yeah. I’m still making these. Everyone’s gotta have a hobby, right?

And yes, I say “players and haters” instead of “playas ’n hatas” because I’m a 37 year old white woman with a desk job.  Word.

If you like these, be sure to check out my Retro Fun page. If you don’t like these, then you should definitely never, ever go to my Retro Fun page. Seriously. Don’t even hover your cursor over it cause you might accidentally click on it and see more of these defaced old ads and then you’ll either start screaming or crying, but either way, I don’t need that drama right now.  

happy thanksgiving (retro fun style)

retro fun – childhood trauma edition

Trials in life build character and make us stronger, right? 
Well, in that case, these kids will eat nails when they grow up.
Or, they’ll develop a debilitating addiction to prescription pain medication. 
It’s too soon to tell.

If these look familiar to you, that’s because you’ve seen them on my Retro Fun tumblr blog.
If they don’t look familiar to you, then I’ve succeeded in re-cycling existing content to appear productive.  I’m not proud of my trickery, but desperate times call for desperate actions.

retro fun – movie edition

I recently started a tumblr blog for all my retro fun inappropriateness.  I originally wanted a tumblr so it would be easier to follow other tumblr blogs that I like.  The short-format style of those types of blogs lends itself to posting photos, so I figured why not give my retro ads a home of their own.  I’ve posted many new ones over there that aren’t on my Retro Fun page here, so you should go check it out.  Then start a tumblr blog of your own so you can repost my posts and feed my ever growing hunger for public adoration. (I wish I were joking.)

However, as a treat (ie. I couldn’t think of anything better to post), I thought I’d post some new retro fun here.  Well, two are new.  One I’ve posted over on the tumblr blog, but it fit in with the theme of movies so I included it.  It’s my blog and I can do stuff like that.  Like He-Man, I have the power. 

 

Can you guess all three movie references? There’s no prize except for my respect and bragging rights in the comments.  So, yeah, no prize.

well, you asked for it

The votes have been tabulated and the results are in.  And, I must say, you people are kinda demented.  But, that’s what I like about you.

By an overwhelming majority, you wanted to see me get all snarky and inappropriate on some retro ads.  Never let it be said that I don’t give the people what they want.

If you don’t know the alternate meaning of “toss my salad” you can Google it.  Or, you can remain in innocent oblivion. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t enjoy corrupting people.  Well, maybe a little.  If you think you can handle it, visit my Retro Fun page for more. 

I am happy to see that no one voted to see non-zombie content. However, one of you voted for me to do another video.  Seriously? I thought we were friends?

retro fun: they can’t all be winners

Here are two ads that I captioned that just don’t quite hit the mark. I really tried, but I just couldn’t get them to work on the level that I wanted.  (Cause, this is really important stuff here, I know.)

 

I mean, how scary would it be if you depended on a giant, disembodied hand to do all your large-scale construction? All it would take is a too-quick release of an “OK” gesture and your whole spaceport would be unceremoniously flicked into the next galaxy. Then I thought, “what if The Hand got a hangnail?” That would piss it off and it probably wouldn’t want to do any heavy lifting for a while.  However, I wanted The Hand to suffer an affliction that would not only hobble it, but would make the tiny people uncomfortable. Make them say, “Um, it’s okay Hand, really.  You go take care of whatever is growing on yourself and we’ll just invent cranes or something.”  Yeah, I think I over-thought this one a bit. 

I don’t know why, but I see latent homosexual overtones in most of these retro ads.  Maybe it’s because the men look too buttoned-up, too clean-cut so I think they must be hiding something.  Something dirty.  Not that I think being gay is “dirty.” Not at all.  But you know these guys think it is. And the thought of it would make them ashamed, but excited at the same time.  And it would make them want to spend a “guys weekend” in San Francisco.  Is San Francisco even a gay mecca anymore? I have no idea.  That’s why I think this one should probably stay in the closet. 

(Mad props to Plan59.)

retro fun: behind the scenes

Have you ever wondered how I come up with my snarky comments for those retro ads I’m so fond of?

No?

Well, this is a little awkward. I’ll pretend to be interested in this magazine while you back out of the room and quietly close the door behind you.

Okay, then. My process for captioning those ads is twofold:
     1. Write down the first thing that pops into my head
     2. Edit for spelling and f-bombs

If I stare at an ad for longer than a minute and an idea for a caption hasn’t materialized, I move on.  I’ve found that if I try to force it, it just falls flat. (That’s what she said!  Sorry.)

Here’s an example:

When I saw this one, the first thing that popped into my head was “Bubble Tape.” I haven’t seen Bubble Tape in years. Do they even still make the stuff? I don’t know why my brain went there, but can you look at that picture and not see Bubble Tape, now?

This was an ad for silverware, which is random in itself. What does football have to do with flatware? Anyway, concussion injuries of football players has been in the news quite a bit recently, so when I saw the mysterious floating spoon, I figured it had to be a symptom of brain damage.

This one was easy. These dudes are super white and look super smug.  A few grueling days working at the Bubble Tape factory will take them down a peg or two.  This one was also heavily influenced by Louis CK (link is to a video  clip of his stand-up and is kinda NSFW, but oh so funny).

I apologize in advance for this next one. Mom, is someone at your door? You may want to go check.

Yes, I went there.  I’m not proud of myself. Unless you thought it was funny, that is.

As always, thank you Plan59 for allowing me to rape your website for blog material.

retro fun – valentine’s day edition

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! 

You are all worth more than the biggest box of chocolates.  No whoring necessary. 

Image thanks to Plan 59 (whether they like it or not). 

winter retro fun (prescription drug edition)

Images were expertly stolen from Plan 59.

retro fun

All images found at Plan 59.