they’re coming to get you, Barbara!

I am often asked, “What is your favorite horror movie?”

That is not an easy question for me to answer. I don’t have just one, all-time favorite. I have several very different movies that I love for several very different reasons.  Here they are in no particular order.

THE EVIL DEAD
This movie is not for everyone.
I feel the need for this disclaimer because the last time I professed my love for this movie my mom watched it.  Afterwards, she called and asked what in the hell was wrong with me.  For the first time since high school, I think she wondered if I was on drugs.
The Evil Dead is like an oozing, puss-filled, festering wound being picked at by a dirty ragged fingernail.  It’s beyond gross, but it is also genuinely scary and at the same time over-the-top campy and just a ton of fun.  Sam Raimi (who would later go on to direct Spiderman) made this movie on a shoestring budget with a bunch of friends.  In it, five friends travel to a remote cabin in the woods where they unwittingly release unspeakable evil lurking in the woods after playing a taped translation of an anchient text, The Necronomicon.  One by one, the campers are possessed by the evil and it is up to Ash, played by Bruce Campbell and his chin, to dispatch them and return the evil where it belongs.  That is a very sensible synopsis of a movie that gleefully makes little sense.  I can’t help but love it.

THE EXORCIST
Where The Evil Dead is a bludgeon, The Exorcist is a scalpel.  Yes there is some blood and buckets of regurgitated pea soup (not to mention the very unorthodox use of a crucifix), but the movie also relies heavily on pacing and tension.
We all know the basic story, right?  The 12 year old daughter of an actress is possessed by a demon (Pazuzu was his name-o) and two priests (the younger one struggling with a crisis of faith) are called in to perform an exorcism.  Curse-laden, head-spinning hi-jinks ensue.
I love The Exorcist because it was the first movie that actually frightened me.  I’ve seen it at least a dozen times and the scene where possessed Regan does that upside down spider-crawl thing down the stairs never fails to run a shiver down my spine (this scene was cut from the original version and can only be seen on the re-release).  There is a reason why The Exorcist has been called the most terrifying movie ever made.  I don’t recommend this movie for everyone, either, but for very different reasons than The Evil Dead.  If you don’t like being scared, do not watch this movie.

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD
The grandfather of the modern zombie movie.
Before 1968, zombies were corpses brought to life by a sorcerer to do his/her bidding.  The zombie myth has roots in West African religions and Haitian voodoo culture.  George Romero created a new type of zombie in Night of the Living Dead.  They are still reanimated corpses, but they are not under anyone’s control.  They are feral, roaming creatures with a hunger for human flesh.
The story is simple:  A group of people barricade themselves inside a farmhouse while hordes of zombies, possibly created by radiation from a falling satellite, stumble about outside.  The hero of the movie is a black man named Ben.  He is the only one who seems to have his shit together while everyone else is either catatonic or freaking out.  The only thing more chilling than the zombies is the social commentary that weaves it’s way through the movie and gets you like a shotgun blast to the gut at the end.  Seriously, if the ending doesn’t knock the wind out of you then you are probably one of the undead and got bigger things to worry about than analyzing horror movies.
Unlike The Evil Dead and The Exorcist, I would recommend this movie to anyone.

So, those are my big three.  What’s your favorite horror movie?

zombie, zombie, burning bright

Y’all know I’m kind of a dork, right?  If you didn’t already know, then consider this my coming out party.  BYOB.

I love Halloween.  I love horror movies.  Especially horror movies with zombies.  Those shuffling puss bags just make me smile. 

What better way to profess my love of the undead than with poetry?  Specifically, haiku.

it shuffles forward
broken leg dragging behind
no pain, just hunger

See?  I told you I was a dork. 

I got more.  Wanna hear them?  Well, you’re gonna anyway cause it’s my blog and that’s how I roll.

a crack of the bat
head explodes like a melon
zombie down for the count

apocalypse looms
terror on the streets of London
oh no, not again

bite mark on my arm
growing hunger in my gut
are those brains I smell?

Had enough?  Too bad!  I have more.

Thriller video
come to life outside my door
they don’t dance good, though

running for my life
should have done more cardio
before zombie plague

in funeral clothes
mouth wide open, moaning deep
would you like a mint?

oh, zombie, zombie
your lonely moans haunt my dreams
wait, I’m awake!

zombie at my door
I need a pint from the pub
where’s my cricket bat?

Okay, okay.  I’m done.  Once I started thinking about them, I just couldn’t stop.  It’s just dorky fun! 

I’d love to hear some from you guys.  Oh, come on.  Try it!

Remember the haiku format:
first line – 5 syllables
second line – 7 syllables
third line – 5 syllables

They don’t have to be about zombies.  I understand that not everyone has such a deep, abiding love of them like I do.  Anything Halloween or horror movie related will suffice. 

Please? Humor me?

Edited to add:  Seriously, you guys rock!  I am loving all your hakius.  This totally makes my day.  Thank you! 

evil dead

evil dead

Bruce Campell as Ash in The Evil Dead

One of my favorite movies (not just horror, but all movies) is The Evil Dead.  I also love The Evil Dead II, which was really the director, Sam Raimi’s, do-over of the first movie with a bigger budget and funnier script.  The third movie in the series, Army of Darkness, is a great ride with a lot of funny one-liners, but, call me nostalgic,  I just didn’t like it as much as the first two. 

(Not so) funny aside:  When my office first switched to the computer system that we use to manage our client’s information, we had training sessions where we would work in a demo version of the program so we wouldn’t jeopardize actual client data.  In the demo version, there were fake clients already entered and we would practice performing various transactions within these clients.  Well, during one training session, I am in a room with about 10 other employees and we are asked to pull up the demo client AOD Exterminators.  While looking around in the data I see that AOD Exterminators is located on Ash Street and the owner is named Bruce Campell.  I then realize that AOD must stand for Army of Darkness!  I start cracking up and nine people give me blank stares while I try to explain the joke.  No one else had even seen the movies.  I apologize to the instructor for the interruption and the training resumes.  However, I gave a silent “thank you” to the awesome programmer who entered that demo client for making my day.