The internet is a lot like high school. You got the popular kids who set all the trends and make things happen. Then you got the fringe groups that are bound together by their love of things like movies or video games. Further down are the outcasts that don’t talk to anybody and just observe.
And, just like in high school, I fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. Well, at least that’s what Klout.com would have me believe. Using complicated statistical formulas and pretty, pretty graphs they calculate how influential you are on the internet and assign you a grade from 1 to 100.
And, there I am, stuck in the (almost) middle with you. I’m a “Specialist” (whatever that means) and there is my twitter tag-line and Facebook profile picture (no-one dares un-friend you with a pic like that).
But, wait. What’s this?
Football? Seriously? I don’t think I have ever even typed the word “football” on this blog (until now, of course). I don’t like football. Never have. I know so little about football and most any organized sports that I tend to refer to them all under the blanket term of “sports-ball games.” How in the world wide web can I be influential about something of which I have no knowledge or interest? That’s like Justin Bieber being influential about third-world economies. Or testicles.
I suppose I understand being somewhat influential about the TSA thanks to my grandma, but that was just one isolated incident. I am actually flattered that anyone would consider me influential about Science and Technology. I’m down with science. I scored higher in Science on my SATs than I did English (which, if you go by the grammar on this blog, I’m sure you’re not surprised). But, I hardly ever blog about science-related topics (unless you count building your own miniature spaceship, that is).
How did I become so misrepresented? If there was any justice in the world, Klout would show that I am an influential in the following:
- Zombies – I present Exhibit A as proof of my zombie aptitude.
- Snark – Please refer to Exhibit B and C for all the proof you need of my innate snarkability.
- Writing – The index labeled “Culled, for your enjoyment” is littered with writings both humorous and educational. Sometimes both.
As if inaccurately commenting on my influence (or lack thereof) wasn’t enough, Klout also had something to say about the company I keep.
My internet friends and I are “a small but tightly formed network that is highly engaged.” I think Klout just called us a gang. Either that, or a cult. Gah, this is just like high school all over again.