they’re coming to get you, Barbara!

I am often asked, “What is your favorite horror movie?”

That is not an easy question for me to answer. I don’t have just one, all-time favorite. I have several very different movies that I love for several very different reasons.  Here they are in no particular order.

THE EVIL DEAD
This movie is not for everyone.
I feel the need for this disclaimer because the last time I professed my love for this movie my mom watched it.  Afterwards, she called and asked what in the hell was wrong with me.  For the first time since high school, I think she wondered if I was on drugs.
The Evil Dead is like an oozing, puss-filled, festering wound being picked at by a dirty ragged fingernail.  It’s beyond gross, but it is also genuinely scary and at the same time over-the-top campy and just a ton of fun.  Sam Raimi (who would later go on to direct Spiderman) made this movie on a shoestring budget with a bunch of friends.  In it, five friends travel to a remote cabin in the woods where they unwittingly release unspeakable evil lurking in the woods after playing a taped translation of an anchient text, The Necronomicon.  One by one, the campers are possessed by the evil and it is up to Ash, played by Bruce Campbell and his chin, to dispatch them and return the evil where it belongs.  That is a very sensible synopsis of a movie that gleefully makes little sense.  I can’t help but love it.

THE EXORCIST
Where The Evil Dead is a bludgeon, The Exorcist is a scalpel.  Yes there is some blood and buckets of regurgitated pea soup (not to mention the very unorthodox use of a crucifix), but the movie also relies heavily on pacing and tension.
We all know the basic story, right?  The 12 year old daughter of an actress is possessed by a demon (Pazuzu was his name-o) and two priests (the younger one struggling with a crisis of faith) are called in to perform an exorcism.  Curse-laden, head-spinning hi-jinks ensue.
I love The Exorcist because it was the first movie that actually frightened me.  I’ve seen it at least a dozen times and the scene where possessed Regan does that upside down spider-crawl thing down the stairs never fails to run a shiver down my spine (this scene was cut from the original version and can only be seen on the re-release).  There is a reason why The Exorcist has been called the most terrifying movie ever made.  I don’t recommend this movie for everyone, either, but for very different reasons than The Evil Dead.  If you don’t like being scared, do not watch this movie.

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD
The grandfather of the modern zombie movie.
Before 1968, zombies were corpses brought to life by a sorcerer to do his/her bidding.  The zombie myth has roots in West African religions and Haitian voodoo culture.  George Romero created a new type of zombie in Night of the Living Dead.  They are still reanimated corpses, but they are not under anyone’s control.  They are feral, roaming creatures with a hunger for human flesh.
The story is simple:  A group of people barricade themselves inside a farmhouse while hordes of zombies, possibly created by radiation from a falling satellite, stumble about outside.  The hero of the movie is a black man named Ben.  He is the only one who seems to have his shit together while everyone else is either catatonic or freaking out.  The only thing more chilling than the zombies is the social commentary that weaves it’s way through the movie and gets you like a shotgun blast to the gut at the end.  Seriously, if the ending doesn’t knock the wind out of you then you are probably one of the undead and got bigger things to worry about than analyzing horror movies.
Unlike The Evil Dead and The Exorcist, I would recommend this movie to anyone.

So, those are my big three.  What’s your favorite horror movie?

so tell me, why zombies?

I’m so glad you asked!

I came relatively late to the zombie party.  Up until a few years ago I was Team Vampire all the way (Go Vlad!). I read all of Anne Rice’s vampire books in high school and college and wrote my fair share of mediocre vampire fiction (of the “turn me into your eternal soul-mate pale stranger from my dreams” variety). I loved those evil blood-suckers and I will probably always have a soft spot in my carotid for them.

I’m an equal opportunity horror type gal, so during this time I also watched my fair share of zombie movies.  But I found that, much like the moaning horde themselves, there was great quantity, but little quality.

Then came 28 Days Later.

via bloody-disgusting.com

Now, I know there are zombie purists out there right now screaming, “Those aren’t real zombies! They are just infected with a rage virus! Romero is KING!!!”
And to them I say, “You look really silly yelling at your computer.  Calm down. It’s just a movie.”

No, the zombies in 28 Days Later aren’t “traditional” but I think that’s exactly what makes them so scary. Up until this point, the shambling brain-munchers had been reduced to a cliche and this movie breathed new undead life into them.  Plus, it offered a very realistic explanation for how the whole mess gets started, which I think was lacking in previous movies. Suddenly zombies seemed like they could be real, and what’s more scary than that?

So, now I was intrigued by zombies and more movies were released that I liked.  But, in order for me to truly fall for someone, they have to make me laugh.

Enter, Shaun of the Dead.

via best-horror-movies.com

Yep. I’m in love.

I was already a huge fan of the original Night of the Living Dead. George Romero invented the modern zombie and this movie is a classic.  ”Shaun” stays true to the Romero zombie formula, but has a great deal of fun in the process.  This movie is a loving tribute and hilarious parody all rolled into one.

Follow that up with Zombieland, and there is no turning back for me now.

But, this still doesn’t really answer the question.  Why do I find myself drawn to zombies in the first place?

Well, they are US.  They aren’t some unnameable creature from beyond space and time or a ghostly entity that haunts the attic.  They are our neighbors, our friends, our family. The evil wears the faces of the people we love.  What can be more hopeless than having to fire a bullet into the brain of your mother? Your child?
Then there is the constant terror of their unrelenting pursuit.
Zombies do not give up.
Ever.
They do not rest or stop to tend to their wounds.  If they lose their legs, they will crawl.  If you close the door, they will continue clawing at it even after their fingers have snapped off.
Zombies have no logic, no reason, no care.
They are their hunger and nothing more.

Zombies are the perfect nightmare.  And, because I am wired a certain way, I love nightmares.  To me, being scared breathless is a great way to spend an evening.  To answer why that is would take much more than a blog post, so I’ll just leave it be.

The only thing I love more than being scared stiff is laughing hysterically.  Zombies, with their brain-dead stare, shambling gait, drooling, moaning, body-parts-dropping-off-ness, are perfect fodder for comedy.

So, zombies combine two of my favorite things into one rotting package.  They are equal parts terrifying and hilarious.

There you have it.  Why I am so enamored with the undead.  Now you know.

It was keeping you up at night, wasn’t it? Well, now you can get a good night’s sleep.  You’re welcome.

zombie survival tips: a guest post from my blog wife

I’m honoring a commitment ceremony on Independence Day. Kinda ironic, huh? Well, I don’t think of my blog wife, Thoughts Appear, as a ball-and-chain but more like a partner-in-crime.  And to prove it, today I’m letting her steal the show.

***

 When Amy, aka Zombie Princess Leia, asked me to write a guest post, I knew immediately what to write about. Zombies. 

And since the zombie apocalypse is rapidly approaching, I decided to rewatch a classic zombie movie for survival tips: George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead. 

Step 1: Identifying Zombies 

The zombie experts in Cumberland, Maryland (Thoughtsy’s Fun Fact #1: I went to college near Cumberland.), describe zombies as…

• Mis-shapened people
• People who act like animals
• People in a trance
• People who eat flesh 

If you’re still unsure if someone is a zombie, there are two tests to administer.

• Zombies are afraid of fire.
• Zombies lick their lips when you pour salt and pepper on your arm. 

Step 2: Escaping Zombies 

Here are the escape tips I learned from the movie:

• Beware of headstones when running in the cemetery.
• Don’t let a woman drive the escape vehicle. She’ll wreck it…after driving 5 feet.
• Don’t let a man drive the escape vehicle. He’ll catch it on fire.
• Maybe just forget escape vehicles and wait for rescue. 

And finally and most importantly…

 Step 3: Zombie Karma 

If you tease your sister in the graveyard, a zombie will eat you. (Thoughtsy’s Fun Fact #2: I have a brother who teases me…a lot.) 

Now gimme your best zombie face. Here’s mine.  

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Thank you, Thoughtsy, for your informative and (more importantly) highly entertaining guest post.  And, also thank you so much for my awesome engagement ring!  I love it! 

I may have licked it. Just once.

Everyone, please check out Thoughts Appear’s Blog for more important life lessons that movies teach us as well as just general awesomeness.