Ending a sentence with a preposition isn’t one of them, obviously.
I’ve been told that I’m awesome way too much lately. It’s true.
I made this messenger bag and was told that I did such a good job I should make more and sell them. How about that?
The leader of my writer’s group was, and I quote, “so consistently impressed by [my] writing and editorial suggestions” that he asked me to edit stories for the magazine he works for. It’s unpaid, but could open doors for paid work doing what I love. Hells yeah!
A member of my writer’s group liked my last story so much that he said he would “slap me” if I didn’t submit it for publication somewhere. Compliments emphasized with violence are my favorite. How did he know?
While unsolicited praise is as sweet and desirable as a chocolate cupcake delivered by Jason Statham (mmm, Jason Statham*), I have concerns. Mainly, that I will become smug. Like the color red and stirrup pants, I don’t look good in smug. My wheelhouse is self-depreciation. I’m at my best when I am laughing at myself. How can I do that if I’m standing proud in my ivory tower, throwing stones at all you little people groveling in the mud below?
See? That wasn’t funny. I apologize.
So, for your sake and mine, I will attempt to deflate my ego by listing a few things at which I am terrible:
- Walking and doing pretty much anything else at the same time. I can trip over air, I’m that clumsy.
- Whispering, or in any way talking or laughing quietly. I’m loud. Annoyingly so.
- Being subtle (shocking, I know)
- Penmanship. My handwriting hasn’t improved since the third grade.
- Chopping vegetables. I cut myself every time I use a kitchen knife. Every. Damn. Time.
- Driving at night.
- Cleaning house.
- Math. Just, don’t.
- Being nurturing. If you’re sick I’ll bring you juice and soup, but don’t expect me to stay and rub your head or anything.
There. I feel better now that I’ve sufficiently knocked myself down a peg or two. Besides, you guys are the awesome ones. Stopping by here to read my clumsy attempts at self-therapization. Give yourselves a hand. I mean it! You guys rock and I’d be nothing without you.
Now, get out of here. My bad self’s got some stories to edit.