counting down . . .

Halloween is almost here, and I still have a ton to do.  The annual Halloween party, which we normally have at my sister’s house, will be at my house this year.  This will be the very first time I have ever hosted a party that didn’t have “bridal” or “baby” in front of it.  So, this will be the very first time that I have hosted a party where the only draw was my company.  Until now, my fear of throwing a party where no one bothered to show up prevented any such get-togethers.  Actually, I still have that fear.  It’s irrational, I suppose.  I didn’t invite a ton of people (mostly because I don’t know a ton of people), but I am fairly certain that at least three people will show up.  I’m a believer in quality over quantity, anyway.

No matter how many people are there, I still need to clean the house, put the final touches on the decorations, buy snacks, make snacks, fill my blood bag with wine and load my pumpkins with candles.  Yes, real candles, not those flickering, plastic, LED things.  Fire safety be damned.  Plus, my pumpkins deserve the real thing.

I love carving pumpkins.  Sometimes the pumpkin tells you what kind of face it wants, like the one with the worm hole in it up top.  Gotta find a gummy worm to poke out of that hole.  I’m kind of a purist in that I’ve never used one of those templates where you  punch all the little holes first.  I think they are cool looking, but I’d just rather do a quick sketch and start stabbing.  I mean cutting. 

That’s how we roll in Dethlehem.

creeping up the place

Every year, I am tempted to “forget” to take down my Halloween decorations and just leave them up all year long.  I love the creepy little accents to my life that much. 

That being said, I prefer subtle decorations that blend in with my existing decor to turning my living room into a haunted house.  I want it to look like it has always been there.  And, I resist the urge to use that fake spider web stuff.  I used to be a fan, until I realized that it doesn’t look like spider webs at all.  It looks like cotton candy.  Cotton candy isn’t scary.  Plus, I saw way too many people going overboard with it to the point that it looked more like snow than anything else.  I freed myself from the faux spider webbing and I haven’t looked back. It was liberating.

Because I am cheap and own a glue gun, I like to make many of my decorations.  And, because I am lazy, most of these decorations are ridiculously simple to make.

I did not make the black skull candle, but I love it dearly.  I did make the stitched up mummy candle holders.  It’s just rolled gauze (or you could use cheesecloth) wrapped around tall, glass candle holders (the small one is actually a juice glass).  I used double stick tape to hold it in place, then made a few stitches with needle and black thread.  Simple and cheap!  I didn’t have to purchase a thing to make these since I already had the gauze which was left over from when my husband set himself on fire years ago.  Thanks, hon!

Spider under glass.  I’m so damn classy.  A few years ago I made about twenty of these spiders one evening while watching television.  I’m an excellent multi-tasker.  The body is two black pom poms hot glued together, then glue four black pipe cleaners to the pom poms.  (Sorry I don’t have step by step instructions with corresponding pictures.  Lazy, remember?)  The legs bend however you need to pose them.  This one is about to nom on an itty bitty pumpkin.  Ain’t that cute?  I have these spiders perched all over the place.  There’s one on my desk at work, too.  He does my filing for me.

  

 Okay, I didn’t make the drippy blood window clings or the eyeballs (they’re bouncy balls) I just like them. 

I did make these pumpkins, though.

Just cut fabric into an eight inch circle, and with heavy thread, stitch very loosely (twelve stitches or so) in and out around the perimeter of the circle leaving both ends of the thread hanging free.  Take a plastic grocery bag, ball it up and place it in the center of the circle.  Tie the ends of the thread together and pull them tight which will gather the fabric up (like tying the draw string on sweat pants) and around the bag ball until it’s completely covered.  Knot the thread tight so the fabric stays put.  Next, wander out into your yard and find a dry branch and break it into two or three inch segments.  Hot glue a branch segment into the pucker made from gathering the fabric and you have a pumpkin.  Seriously, it will take you less time to actually make one than it did for me to figure out how to explain how to make one. 

The pumpkins can stay out through Thanksgiving.  The eyeball jar and bats print will probably have to be packed away before then.  Maybe I can keep the bats up longer.  Just put red hats on them for Christmas or something.  Who says bats can’t be festive for all seasons?

Halloween Diary

Yesterday, I rushed home after work, turned on the fog machine so it could warm up, fed the dogs and locked them on the back porch so they wouldn’t bark at people, turned on the porch light and waited.  It was not quite six o’clock.  Okay, probably a little early for trick-or-treaters.  It wasn’t even dark enough to light the pumpkins.  So, I made myself something to eat to prevent being tempted by the large cauldron of candy I had at the ready by the front door.  I lit some candles and turned off the interior lights for ambience and waited.  I hit the button for the fog machine a few times and clouded the front porch in fresh fog (we set up the machine on the porch behind a potted plant and ran the cord for the controls inside through the window, this way I could fog unsuspecting goblins without being seen).  Then I waited.  And waited. 

Ooooh! 

A car pulled up in front of the neighbor’s house, their hazard lights flashing.  I saw some small people get out and walk up their driveway.  That means I’m next!  I straighten my blood splattered lab coat, create more fog and grab the candy cauldron.  I hear giggling from outside and I giggle a little inside.  I open the door before they have a chance to knock and am greeted by “Trick or Treat!” First in line is Tinkerbell who holds out her bag and smiles shyly.  Too cute.  I give her some candy.  Next, is pint-sized Pimp Daddy complete with zebra trimmed, purple velvet hat.  Who makes pimp costumes for children?  I ignore the inappropriateness and give him some candy.  Finally, there is Army Girl in boots, camouflage pants and ARMY t-shirt.  I raise an eyebrow as I drop candy into her bag.  She is almost as tall as I am and looks to be at least 15 years old.  She has breasts for god’s sake!  Once I started wearing a bra, I stopped trick or treating and graduated to Halloween parties.  The trio’s mom was waiting on the walkway and reminded them to say “thank you.”  I waved and said “Happy Halloween” as they walked back to their waiting car. 

It was finally getting dark enough to light the pumpkins.  There are four at the beginning of the walkway leading to the front porch, two at the corner where the walkway turned and two on the porch by the steps.  I take a moment to admire their glowing visages.  They’re alive!  Alive!  I giggle maniacally as I go back inside.  I make some more fog and wait.  I eat a fun size Twix and wait. 

Unexpectedly, I hear voices at the front porch.  I quickly snatch the cauldron and get to the front door just in time to greet them before they knock.  It’s a princess and her grandma.  Sneaky bitches crossed through the lawn instead of coming down the walk and caught me unawares.  Well played, ladies.  I dole out the candy and wish them a Happy Halloween.  As they leave, back across the lawn the way they came, I pray that the old lady makes it without twisting her ankle on a pinecone.   

Back inside, I sit by the window and wait.  I eat a fun sized Crunch bar and wait.  I make fog.  I make more fog.  I hold down the fog button and watch as great banks of fog billow across the front porch and out into the lawn.  Realizing that someone might think my house is on fire, I ease up on the fog.  And I wait. 

As I was contemplating another fun sized Twix, I see someone on the walkway.  I’m at the door with the cauldron, ready for them.  It’s a mom and a three foot tall Darth Vader.  I tell the dark lord that I love his costume as I give him a handful of candy.  “Wow, this is so cool,” I say to the mom.  “Kids used to dress up as Darth Vader when I was little.”
“Yeah, I know,” says the mom smiling.  “It’s a 30^th Anniversary commemorative costume or something like that.”
Suddenly feeling much older than I did moments before, I wave as Darth and his mom make their way back down the walk. 

I didn’t get any more trick-or-treaters after that.  I kept the front porch light on and the pumpkins lit even as it approached nine o’clock, though I knew no one else would come.  Five kids.  Oh, well.  It was more than the zero kids that we had last year at our old house.  Besides, I had fun carving the pumpkins and decorating. 

At around nine-thirty, the doorbell rang.  I was surprised at first, but then I realized who it must be.  I opened the door and my husband said, “Trick or Treat!”  He had just come home from work.  “I think you can turn the porch light off now,” he said. 
“I know,” I pouted.  “We should blow out the pumpkins, too.” Halloween is officially over. 

But, I’ve already thought of a bunch of new stuff that I want to do next year!