retro fun: they can’t all be winners

Here are two ads that I captioned that just don’t quite hit the mark. I really tried, but I just couldn’t get them to work on the level that I wanted.  (Cause, this is really important stuff here, I know.)

 

I mean, how scary would it be if you depended on a giant, disembodied hand to do all your large-scale construction? All it would take is a too-quick release of an “OK” gesture and your whole spaceport would be unceremoniously flicked into the next galaxy. Then I thought, “what if The Hand got a hangnail?” That would piss it off and it probably wouldn’t want to do any heavy lifting for a while.  However, I wanted The Hand to suffer an affliction that would not only hobble it, but would make the tiny people uncomfortable. Make them say, “Um, it’s okay Hand, really.  You go take care of whatever is growing on yourself and we’ll just invent cranes or something.”  Yeah, I think I over-thought this one a bit. 

I don’t know why, but I see latent homosexual overtones in most of these retro ads.  Maybe it’s because the men look too buttoned-up, too clean-cut so I think they must be hiding something.  Something dirty.  Not that I think being gay is “dirty.” Not at all.  But you know these guys think it is. And the thought of it would make them ashamed, but excited at the same time.  And it would make them want to spend a “guys weekend” in San Francisco.  Is San Francisco even a gay mecca anymore? I have no idea.  That’s why I think this one should probably stay in the closet. 

(Mad props to Plan59.)