- I know what the RCA dog looks like (and I remember RCA)
- I was taught cursive writing in grade school
- I know how to use a typewriter
- I know how to use a fax machine (believe it or not, I’ve met interns that have never used one)
- I use two spaces after a period (apparently this is as outdated as cassette players)
- I own a cassette player
- I need surgery for my busted back
Yep. I’m going under the knife (insert Psycho screeching sound). For the very first time in my life, as a matter of fact. It appears that my bottom-most disk (L 5, I believe) has bulged out of its normal confines and is pressing against my sciatic nerve cluster. The only way to relieve this pressure is to slice me open, drill down to the troublesome area and scrape off the portion of the disk that is wayward. Sounds more gruesome than it really is (thanks to my verb selection). If everything goes as planned, I will go home the same day and will only be out of work for about a week (I actually wouldn’t mind being home longer, but such is life).
I won’t lie - I’m a little nervous. This is my first surgery (other than removing my wisdom teeth as a teenager) and I don’t have any idea what to expect. I’m also not thrilled about the thought of my large, white ass being displayed prominently during the procedure (I can keep my underwear on, right? Right?). However, I am also very excited about not being in pain anymore. You can’t realize how often you drop stuff on the floor until it burns like fire to bend over and pick it up. It so happens that I drop stuff a lot.
So, next Tuesday I’ll be knocked out with my ass in the air while some doctor does his thing. Sounds like one hell of a party, huh? If you cross your fingers, you may get treated to a post pounded out while I’m spaced on pain meds. Yeah. Lucky you.