things that make me wonder if i belong on the internet

• I don’t own any action figures.
• I don’t own anything owl-related.
• I don’t know how to knit nor do I want to learn.
• I still use two spaces after periods.
• Do I have to watch the video? Can’t I just read an article?
• I haven’t touched a video game since I was ten.
• No. I don’t want to see your penis.
• I don’t own any Legos.
• Star Wars. I’m over it.
• I only dress up in costumes on Halloween.
• No. I’m not showing you my boobs.
• When I see RPG I think “rocket-propelled grenade.”
• I don’t know how to use PhotoShop.
• Why is Batman every-f*cking-where?
• Yes, it’s a Stormtrooper.  Yay.
• There are movie-type trailers for video games?
• Bacon is awesome.  I get it.
• Seriously, what’s with all the boobs?
• Have people forgotten how to be entertaining without the use of pictures or cartoons?
• I don’t think I have ever even touched a comic book.
• Must every pop culture reference be spliced with every other pop culture reference?
• No. I don’t want to see a Vulcan Steampunk Female C-3PO riding a Unicorn to Mordor.

How I know that I probably belong on the internet more than I’d like to admit:

• I have a blog.
• I superimpose text over old pictures for a laugh.
• I post said pictures on yet another blog.
• Going more than an hour without checking twitter makes me anxious.
• Seeing anything Firefly related makes me squee.
• I use words like “squee.”
• Getting sucked into a Wikipedia wormhole is a delightful way to spend an afternoon.
• Lolcats still make me giggle.
• I just spent an hour looking at funny pictures of cats.
• Okay. I kinda want to see that Steampunk C-3PO Unicorn madness.

this is not the blog you’re looking for part 2: the wrath of google

If Hollywood can’t come up with any original ideas, then why should I?  So, here is my equivalent of a summer movie – the sequel to my post of Google search terms that led people to my blog. 

And yes, that is a Star Wars reference and a Star Trek reference spliced together up there.  Don’t try this level of geekery at home, folks.  I’m what you’d call “an expert.” 

When you look this good, you don't need to have good aim.

Speaking of geekery, how about this search term:
yes just yes stormtrooper
Sounds like someone has a bit of a fetish for the guys in white.  Who am I to judge? (freak!)

And speaking of splicing together pop culture references:
Rebecca Black vs Jason Voorhees
Friday, Friday, gonna get hacked to death with a machete on Friday.  You can file this one under “things I wish I had thought of.”  

my husband hates me
none of my friends really like me
Were these people searching for help or just confirmation for what they already know? 

i’m not prejudiced, i hate everybody equally
Ah.  Confirmation for what they already know.

lol?

invisible rape
No means no, even if you can’t see her say it. 

is ill communication ok for kids?
Yes.  Yes, it is.  Next question.

can google make decisions for me?
I’ve already proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it indeed can.  Also, if you’re strapped for content (cough), it can provide you with grist for numerous blog posts.

goooooogle
Who Googles Google?  And with six o’s? 

stop asking me how to spell stuff
Sounds like Google just became self-aware. 

i’m depressed about being gay
guys who take it up the ass
I wonder if these two searches were by the same person?  I hope so.  Just because you’re depressed about your sexual orientation doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still try to find a date. 

pajama squid cuttlefish skeleton
Meth is a hell of a drug.

this is not the blog you’re looking for

Okay, first thing’s first, this is a “quantity” over “quality” post, I’ll admit that.  But, I’ve been entertained by other blogs that have covered the topic I’m about to delve into, so I figure I’ll give it a go.  If you came here looking for quality then go read one of my ”culled” posts.  They can’t all be winners, folks!

So, without further ado, here is my “Google Search Terms That Led People To My Blog” post.

The #1 search term for my blog is (surprise, surprise): retro ads
I’d try to make money off those goofy ads, but I’m fairly certain that I am already violating some type of copyright law just by using them, so profiting from them would probably be mucho illegal.  I’m way too sensitive for prison and face tattoos are not a good look for me.

Another very popular search term is some variation of “the count punching edward cullen.”  It gives me great joy that so many people want to see this and it gives me even greater joy that I am able to give it to them.  Ya know what, I don’t even remember what post this was from and I’m too lazy to go looking for it.  (Told you I’m phoning it in today, guys.)

“Betty Crocker” is also in the top five search terms due to my Mascot Makeovers post. (Click eet, you know you wanna.) 

And of course, “zombie” brings many people shuffling their undead corpses over this way.

That people found my blog through those searches is understandable.  These, however make me wonder if Google is just having a laugh:

“use trow in a sentence” - Trow me the ball! (possibly because of this post)
“a seal walks into a club” - This one makes me laugh every time!
“man in a lion suit spanish children’s show” – If you type this into an image search, my post about slutty Halloween costumes is the third result.  Probably not what they were looking for.
“that thing you put up in a tree and hit and theres candy inside” – What is a pinata, Alex?
“bisexual mensa psychobitch” - Omigosh, I wish I’d actually written a post about this!
“thoughts and and amy and blog and love and 2011 and mountain ‘road king’” - I think you’ve had enough coffee, okay? 
“I don’t like being forcibly involved with strangers no” - Neither do I, but that still doesn’t explain how you got here.

I guess I don’t care how people find me as long as they do. 

Pseudo-interesting factoid: if you Google “Mrs. Dahmer” my blog is the third (non-video) result and the very first result in an image search (because of this silly thing).  Yeah.  I guess you gotta take your fame wherever you can get it.