Imagine, if you will, waking to a glorious new morning; birdsong and the sweet spring breeze drifting in through your opened bedroom window are an implied promise of a wonderous day to come. You stretch your grateful muscles and rise from your rumpled bed eager to experience all that life has to offer. Shuffling from your bedroom into the living room, you contemplate breakfast (perhaps pancakes), when suddenly you are stopped dead by a shadowy figure silhouetted against the soft light from the living room window.
Blood frozen, you convulse with fear. A weak scream escapes your parched throat and you think you just pee’d yourself a little. Heart still thundering in your chest, you realize you’re a complete moron and curse your husband’s name.
It’s just the mother frackin’ cardboard cut-out of The Most Interesting Man in the World that your husband just haaaad to have and proudly display in the living room as a Cinco de Mayo decoration. The little narrative above has been my morning every day for a week now. I’ll forget it’s there and will get the crap scared out of me all over again when I come back into the living room from the kitchen. We had to turn it toward the window because when it’s facing the room the dogs won’t stop growing and barking at it.
In spite of all the unscheduled underwear changes, it is a cool thing to have around. Even though he’s made of cardboard, he’s more fun at parties than some flesh and blood people I know.
Cinco de Mayo is kind of special around our house because it’s also my husband’s birthday. We call it Cinco de Tom in his honor.
So, whether you’re celebrating the Mexican army’s victory over the French at the Battle of Puebla or you just need an excuse to drink too much tequila and use the five spanish words you know in a conversation – Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone!
And, Happy Birthday, sweetheart!