this is not the blog you’re looking for part 3: i still know what you searched last summer

Yep. It’s time for another search term round-up here at the FIOD corral. So, straighten your Stetson and sharpen your spurs ’cause this filly’s a feisty one.  And, if any of you fellas are ridin’ bare-back under your chaps, you’re at the wrong rodeo.

However, whoever found me with these search terms ended up in the right place:
sarcastic Christmas lyrics
sarcastic remarks about Christmas
sarcastic Christmas
sarcastic Christmas list
sarcastic Christmas pictures

I have these Christmas-themed retro ads to thank for those searches.

Then someone had to go and ask:
can you use sarcastically in a sentence

Puh-leeze! I can sarcastically use sarcastically in a sentence.  I work in sarcasm the way other artists may work in oils or clay. (Bonus points if you know this movie reference. Yes, I’m being sarcastic. There are no “points.”)

Then, as is often the case, things take a turn for the weird.

man gets attacked by flying toast – Toast can smell fear, you know.

suck a cork and massage a grape at the same time – I think you may want to follow the ass-less chaps fellas out of here.

happy person with drill – That’s much better than sad person with a drill, let me tell ya.

mad baby seals -  But, they’re so cute when they’re angry! They get mad when you say that, by the way.  Which just makes them cuter!

I'm mad at you. Stop giggling! I'm serious! Grr!

whispy ambigram – Is this some sort of pretentious new age Enya cover band or something?  They can go on tour with Feathery Palindrome and Misty Spoonerism.  (I think I new a girl in high school named Misty Spoonerism.)

just add a kid – What is the best way to ruin your life, Alex? (Aw, stop it! I’m just joking. Geesh!)

grandpa’s soggy balls – I quadruple-dog-dare any of you to do a Google image search of this.  At work. On your boss’s computer.

kitten kills a retard – I . . . umm . . .uhh . . .  Okay, internet.  You win, man.  You win.
::holds up hands and backs slowly out of the room::

As with most sequels, you may want to start at the beginning:
This is Not the Blog You’re Looking For
This is Not the Blog You’re Looking For Part 2: The Wrath of Google

 

this is not the blog you’re looking for part 2: the wrath of google

If Hollywood can’t come up with any original ideas, then why should I?  So, here is my equivalent of a summer movie – the sequel to my post of Google search terms that led people to my blog. 

And yes, that is a Star Wars reference and a Star Trek reference spliced together up there.  Don’t try this level of geekery at home, folks.  I’m what you’d call “an expert.” 

When you look this good, you don't need to have good aim.

Speaking of geekery, how about this search term:
yes just yes stormtrooper
Sounds like someone has a bit of a fetish for the guys in white.  Who am I to judge? (freak!)

And speaking of splicing together pop culture references:
Rebecca Black vs Jason Voorhees
Friday, Friday, gonna get hacked to death with a machete on Friday.  You can file this one under “things I wish I had thought of.”  

my husband hates me
none of my friends really like me
Were these people searching for help or just confirmation for what they already know? 

i’m not prejudiced, i hate everybody equally
Ah.  Confirmation for what they already know.

lol?

invisible rape
No means no, even if you can’t see her say it. 

is ill communication ok for kids?
Yes.  Yes, it is.  Next question.

can google make decisions for me?
I’ve already proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it indeed can.  Also, if you’re strapped for content (cough), it can provide you with grist for numerous blog posts.

goooooogle
Who Googles Google?  And with six o’s? 

stop asking me how to spell stuff
Sounds like Google just became self-aware. 

i’m depressed about being gay
guys who take it up the ass
I wonder if these two searches were by the same person?  I hope so.  Just because you’re depressed about your sexual orientation doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still try to find a date. 

pajama squid cuttlefish skeleton
Meth is a hell of a drug.