the requisite the-year-that-was-review post

If you have a WordPress blog, you’ve received a nice email from them detailing how your blog did in 2011 using data compiled by what they call their “stats helper monkeys” (is the ASPCA aware of this?).  The report is animated with fireworks and pretty colors and they basically try to make you feel like your efforts over the past year haven’t all been in vain.  They even give you the option to share this report with your readers.

Yeah.  Nice try.

See, WordPress sent me one of these emails last year with the same option of posting my year-end statistics on my blog.  So I did.

And guess what?  That post received the fewest comments of any post on my blog that year. I’m not making that mistake again.

What I learned from that experience is that focusing on the year-that-was is kinda counter-productive.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of what I posted on my blog last year. Content wise, it was my best year.  I’m also very grateful for every person who took time out of their lives to read and comment (that’s you, by the way).

But I tend to measure my success one day at a time, not year by year.  I’m only as good as my last post and it had a freakin’ zombie killing robot in it so I gotta be on my game.

Dammit.
How can I possibly top a zombie killing robot?
I’m screwed.

2010 in review

WordPress emailed me this information verbatim and told me to share it with my readers.  It’s not every day that I get a ready made blog post thrown at me, so I took their advice.  I promise I won’t be this lazy again.  Maybe promise is a strong word.  I promise I’ll try.  That’s as good as I can do.  Sorry.

(My interjections are in italics)

The stats helper monkeys (at least they didn’t outsource, I suppose) at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health (isn’t worrying about my health health enough?):

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow. (What? No exclamation point?)

Crunchy numbers

About 3 million people visit the Taj Mahal every year. This blog was viewed about 34,000 times in 2010. If it were the Taj Mahal, it would take about 4 days for that many people to see it. (My blog is 1.13 % as popular as the Taj Mahal.  Is that supposed to make me feel better?)

In 2010, there were 108 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 331 posts. There were 241 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 139mb. That’s about 5 pictures per week. (Seriously? That’s the image they picked to use? They really don’t know me very well.)

The busiest day of the year was October 15th with 2,542 views. The most popular post that day was zombie, zombie, burning bright. (It’s ba-ack!)

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were wordpress.com, facebook.com, WordPress Dashboard, mahalo.com, and mail.yahoo.com. (I have no idea who/what you are mahalo.com, but thanks)

Some visitors came searching (nice way of saying they were lost), mostly for retro ads, painted pumpkins, retro advertisements, creative pumpkin carving, and bride of frankenstein. (Yeah, I feel like I owe some people an apology.)

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010. (Read them and comment.  Make me famous!)

1

zombie, zombie, burning bright October 2010
305 comments and 95 Likes on WordPress.com

2

halloween dos & don’ts October 2008
2 comments

3

fun with retro advertisements April 2008
3 comments

4

happy dress like a slut day! October 2009
11 comments and 1 Like on WordPress.com,

5

Culled, for your enjoyment April 2010
 

(How am I supposed to use this information?  Is it supposed to make me feel better about my blogging abilities? Motivate me to try even harder this year? Like most good news, it just makes me think, “it’s all down-hill from here.” Optimistic, huh?  I’m not much of a goal-maker, but I do hope that I continue posting stuff that you nice people enjoy reading.  Gotta keep that blog health arrow buried deep in the darker teal green area, don’t we?  Let’s do this!)

wanna hear something kinda funny?

So, the other day I’m reading my latest issue of Writer’s Digest (yeah, it’s kind of like a death row inmate reading Conde Nast Traveler) and on page 10, there is an article about creating a free website using WordPress. 

Well, how about that?  My favorite writing magazine has chosen to praise my favorite blogging platform for being easy to use and endlessly customizable.  It was nice to read that I had made a good choice for  my blog’s home base.  But, wait a minute.  What’s this?  Could it be?  No.  You’ve got to be kidding me! 

If you take a closer look at the screen-shot the author chose for the article you may notice something familiar.  It’s very tiny, but there is no mistaking what it is.  Here’s the circled image enlarged to readable size:

How funny is that?  The screen-shot was taken on the day my blog was Freshly Pressed.  That silly little zombie haiku post has brought me another five minutes of fame.  If you have a magnifying glass, that is.

the ugly truth

It may be declasse to talk about this, but I think my reputation can handle the hit.

Last Friday, after over three years of blogging, my humble little blog was Freshly Pressed.  There I was, on the front page of WordPress.com.  I was shocked.

Maybe they figured “Posts about zombies” wouldn’t be a big draw?

I was more shocked at how many people played along.  Almost everyone who commented posted a haiku.  Really good haikus!  It was so fun reading them all.  Everyone was so nice, too.  I don’t know why, but I was worried about trolls commenting just to be contrary.  I was also worried about tons of people commenting just to plug their own blogs.  No one asked me to read their blog unless it directly related to zombies or horror movies.  Everyone was very nice and polite.  One exception.

It was very exciting, but it was also very stressful.  Stressful, because I have an obsessive compulsion to reply to each and every comment.  I also had to visit all the blogs that linked to my post, read them and comment there as well.  I was grateful for all the exposure, but holy hell.  That’s a lot of pressure.  Heaven forbid I neglect to reply to a comment or thank someone for linking to my blog and they think I’m an asshole.  I couldn’t handle that. Literally, it would keep me up at night.  Yes, I care if complete strangers think I’m a bitch.  Is that endearing or psychotic?  Actually, I don’t want to know.

Well, I didn’t have to stress for long.

Yep.  There’s the ugly truth.  It’s a helluva ride, but it’s a short one.  I am grateful, however.  I don’t think I’m cut out for fame.  Too nerve-wracking.  Relative obscurity is more my speed. 

I would like to take the opportunity to give a shout out to Doug and his blog: We make it all better.  Not only is Doug a super nice guy who took time out of his day to give me words of encouragement, but he also plugged my blog like my mom paid him.  Doug is with Copeland Communications (how cute is the bike-riding dog banner?) and his blog is smart and funny and also has zombies.  What’s not to like?  I have my brief handshake with fame to thank for introducing me to him.

And to everyone else who commented on my zombie haiku post: I promise that I will try to visit your blogs soon.  I may have to quit my job and stop showering, but I will try.  I will also try to leave a meaningful and complimentary comment.  I swear.  Please don’t hate me!