stayin’ positive

I love it when drivers don’t use turn signals.  It makes my morning commute exciting!

Seeing random chunks of mangled meat and blood-caked fur on the highway really makes my day.  It’s like a game: was it a possum or a raccoon?  Who knows!

I feel so important when people interrupt my work and ask me to remove a paper jam from the copy machine.  If I am lucky, this will happen multiple times in one day!

When an older male employee makes inappropriate comments to a  younger female employee I like to imagine that I am living in one of those sit-coms on TBS, only the laugh-track is just in my head. 

It’s great when I put extra effort into an project and take the time to make sure every detail is covered, but when I turn it in, it’s not just unappreciated but only earns a cursory look.  This makes me want to try harder next time!

I love listening to people discuss topics about which they have little to no experience or knowlege.  It’s like hearing a great story that has no basis in reality.  Everyone loves a good story!

When I load my four bottles of wine and bag of Cheetos on to the belt at the grocery store, I can’t help but smile at the judgemental scowl from the wrinkled sack of bitterness in line behind me.  It’s good to help somone else feel superior, even if it is only for a few moments.

and counting . . .

Today makes five weeks since the Producer I work with has said anything to me in person.  Five weeks, and not one word face to face.  She has only communicated with me via email.  I actually said “hi” to her twice in passing (once in the break-room and once in the bathroom) but I received no reply. 

This whole situation is actually quite amusing to me now.  I wonder how long the silence will last?  What will have to happen before she will utter a word in my direction?  If the building caught on fire and she became trapped under buring rubble and I were the only one around to save her, would she call out for my help?  Or would she just let herself burn to death?  I would try to save her if she asked or not.  I, however, would not accept a “thank you” via email.

death, work and what I won’t talk about

Yesterday I was told I look like a dead woman.  Okay, apparently I look like her before she died, but still an awkward situation.  Am I supposed to take the comparison as a complement?  I have no idea what this woman looked like.  Am I supposed to feel bad that I reminded her of her dead friend?  Well, sorry lady, I was just trying to visit my friend and her new baby girl in the hospital. 

Said friend and her baby girl are the reason I probably will look like a dead woman soon.  I am filling my friend’s position at work while she is out on maternity leave.  Thing is, no one is filling my position while I am filling hers, so I have to do both.  Two full time jobs for eight weeks.  Well, now it’s seven weeks and two days, but who’s counting? 

My one consolation is that I am going on vacation in 28 days (yes, you better believe I’m counting).  But, I can’t talk about my vacation.  Just thinking about it makes my stomach cramp and my breathing erratic.  Talking about it triggers what I can only assume is a panic attack.  I am morbidly certain that something horrible will happen that will either prevent my vacation from becoming a reality or will make it far less than enjoyable. 

Looking forward to the future is an impossiblity for me right now.  I will only feel completely at ease after I have dropped my bags at the foot of my hotel bed and have filled my lungs with warm Caribbean air.